You wanna know the really sad part of this constant battle of mine? No isn't even bad. She's not a villain at all. No is that gruff character in the beginning of the movie who you are totally scared of, until you catch him surreptitiously feed stray cats. No is your basic
Bruiser with a Soft Center. No isn't trying to hurt me; in fact, she just really wants me to stop shoving her away so she can hug me. Hold me. Make it all better and calmer. No is always trying to get close to me, but I fight her. I yell at her, argue with her, ignore her, and misunderstand her, usually on purpose. But No keeps trying, she's that into me.
The main reason I keep rejecting No is that I have it bad for Yes. Sweet sweet Yes. Yes is just more alluring, more charming, more inclusive, more in keeping with my spirit of can-do. Yes is full of energy and passion. Yes is loud and exciting and full of compliments. She's always there for me, usually with a huge pile of paperwork and a sheepish grin. "Erin, you are just so talented, could you help me with this? And that? And this other thing? Oh, you are amazing, we simply must have brunch soon." Then, she gives me air-kisses and sails out of the room on a cloud of mystery and purpose.
Yes is kinda like
Professor X. (I like to picture the Patrick Stewart version but you do whatever works for you.) Yes is positive and passionate and personable. Yes is totally convinced the mutants and humans can work together. Or the stay-at-home moms and the working moms. Or the yogas and the crossfits. Or the cosleepers and the cry-it-outers. Or the Star-Treks and Star-Wars. Whoever, wherever, whatever; we are all gonna get along and hold hands and sing and I guess drink Coke? I don't know where this analogy is going, but it is starting to sound like a product placement, which is weird because I prefer Pepsi. Anywho, Yes makes you feel like you can take on the world and that you should.
Hey, wait a minute, why would Yes be keeping company with Awkward Mom arch-nemesis Should? That's very suspicious and
should be setting off some alarm bells.
Oh, lovely Reader, you are so much more on the uptake that I have been for 40-odd years. It's totally suspicious. You see, Yes wants stuff to happen and sometimes to make stuff happen you have to consort with questionable allies. The ends justify the means or some such; those means being Should and Guilt and Pressure and Comparison and Empty-Flattery and Getting-Identity-From-Outside-Sources and Peer-Pressure and Fear-Of-Failure and Self-Recrimination and Caffeine. Lots and lots of Caffeine. Caffeine is like the foot soldier in the Yes army. Wait. Why would Yes have an army....
Because, basically, Yes is a
Villain with Good Publicity. Big Reveal! Plot Twist! Holy Cats, Never Saw That Coming! Zoinks! I'm Questioning Everything Right Now! Is Captain America Even Good? He's In Hydra, WHAT?!?!
OK, not really. (They totally fixed
Cap, no worries.) It's really much more complicated than that, but
TVtropes is a really fun website if you want to poke around over there. I'll wait.
You done? It's fun, isn't it?! God bless those internet wizards. So, where were we? Oh, yes, Yes. Yes the sorta villain who you think is a hero. Hold the phone now! Does that make No the sorta hero who you think is a villain? Does that make No
Magneto? Does that mean Magneto was right all along and that the mutants should take over? Which Magneto? Because if we are going with Michael Fassbender Magneto, then I am totally on team No.
No. It doesn't mean that. But Yes, it kinda does mean that. It's complicated. Geez, complicated internal struggles regarding human consciousness and societal existence; that ol' trope. Couldn't it just be simple for once? Like mutants/human relations? I'll untangle that knot if you just don't make me face my own soul.
No and Yes are neither good nor bad, they aren't villains or heroes. They are responses of my psyche designed to work together so that the very best Erin can shine and grow. They are both there to keep me safe. They are both there to keep me engaged. No is no more a violent retreat from the world, than Yes is a creative cheerful savior we have all been waiting for. Neither is No the passionate protector of sanity, while Yes is the sneaky killer of dreams and sleep. To reduce No and Yes to such black or white caricatures limits the power of both, and that is foolish, for they are incredibly powerful when used in tandem.
Our natural personalities probably do lean more in more direction, depending on a myriad of reasons from childhood on up. Everyone most likely aligns better with the X-Men or the
Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, although those of you in the latter camp might want to consider a rebrand, just saying. I prefer Yes because moments of pre-adolescent isolation have made me very sensitive to inclusion and my natural rebelliousness makes me fiercely independent. It has taken years of therapy, self-reflection, and truly terrible poetry for me to realize this about myself, and it will take years for me to embrace No the way she deserves to be embraced. Maybe you cling to No because you have been hurt and rejected. Maybe you court Yes because you need validation you didn't get as a child. Maybe you say No to everything because you are saying Yes to Game of Thrones. I'm not here to judge; it's all human and it's all getting you through your life. It's just that when you say Yes to a new experience or person, you might open and let more of your shine out into the world, and if you say No once in awhile, you might find that the recharge you get refreshes you to let more of your shine out into the world. And when you finish Game of Thrones, we'll all be here to hear your
secret Targaryen and mermen theories. (That link has spoilers. Well, sorta.)
Point is, Yes and No are much more powerful and powerfully good for you when you embrace both of them. Can you imagine what Professor X and Magneto could have accomplished if they worked together? I mean, together not in a
Bryan Singer bloated cinematic mess that I could have fixed if anyone in Hollywood had bothered to ask me...
NO, I'm not sorry I said it. See, I'm growing already!
Super Baby says NO to pictures,
and YES to upside-down reading!
She's advanced.