Awkward Mom vs. Fairy Tales

Oh no, she is at it again! Previewing her writing class homework. Sigh, oh well, at least this one is mostly pictures. The assignment is to rework a fairy tale. Change the point of view, change the setting. Let your imagination run wild!
OK, not Hansel-and-Gretel-gatling-gun-wild; no one wants that,
with the exception of maybe Awesome Mom.
Now, for Awkward Mom, letting her imagination run wild meant stealing Super Preschooler's. Which is a solid plan anytime fairy tales are involved.

Once upon a time, an evil witch locked me in this tower. Now, that is all the once-upon-a-timing you are gonna get out of me; handsome princes don’t dwell on the past.

 

Now, first things first; I have got to get out of this tower. Due to my cunning, stealth, and razor-sharp reflexes, this proves to be quite simple.

And the ladder that someone left here doesn't hurt either.

 

I repel down in a wink. Other prisoners aren't so lucky.

 

Of course, getting out of the tower is only the beginning of the story. Now I have to fight my way across a battlefield of fallen heroes and dangerous debris. I barely make it out alive; there are quite a few nasty boulders.

 

 

Once across the vasty wasteland, I encounter the doorway to a vile looking cave. I sniff the air; yes, there is definitely something villainous just beyond. Filled with foreboding, I enter the cave. I am correct! This cave appears to be the lair of the dreadful wizard/pirate; Captain Monster Truck!

 

We do epic battle. We parry, we thrust. He is my equal in swordplay. As much as I loathe his evil ways, I must respect him as an opponent. He is that good. Words can not truly describe this fight; it is one for the ages.

 

I fear he may have the upper hand, given that his sword is enchanted and appears to glow from within, but I finally best him!

I sally forth. I seek a beautiful princess, but they say she is guarded by a deadly dragon who fiery breath has been known to level forests. Captain Monster Truck is a mere pawn in the larger plots of this horrible dragon of death. The harbinger of hate. This ghoulish giant, this terrible titan. This monstrous miscreation. This criminal colossus and devil demon. One's blood freezes at the mention of his name.

Ah, there he is!

 

He is even more ferocious than tales tell of! A true brutish behemoth of a beast.

But I am bravery itself, so I sneak up on this fearsome monster.

My heart is in my throat, as I approach this fiendish, somehow feline, foe. I bide my time; carefully creeping forward until I am in the perfect position. I crouch there, muscles taut with anticipation, and wait for just the right moment. Then, without warning, I strike!

 

My patience pays off, the beast is completely surprised and vanishes in a streak of black smoke. I approach the princess. Well, she is no sleeping beauty; in fact she looks a lot like the wicked witch who locked me in that tower! But I know my duty; I lean in and kiss her.

 

She awakens! Her first words are, "Not now, nap-time isn't over yet." I inform her that she must still be dreaming because she is supposed to say, "Oh, brave prince, thank you for awakening me." She eventually thanks me for rescuing her, but I have no time to bask in glory. I have heard tales of kitchen cabinets overrun with fairies (and fruit snacks) and must hasten to liberate them!
Life is never still for a brave and handsome prince!

 

And, of course, they all lived happily ever after! Duh.