Awkward Mom vs. Flaws

Well, hello there, Awkward Mom. It appears that you finished your book club books early. Or you are battling your arch-villain, Procrastination. I don't think I would lay odds on the former here....

I am sitting at a red light, looking into the rear view mirror, admiring my brood. They are sitting there, all in a row. OK, well, not quite in a row. My deep-seated paranoia that Baby Center is somehow monitoring my activity compels me to reassure you that Super Baby is still in a backwards-facing car seat and not rolling around loose next to her brothers. She is still visible though, thanks to a mirror attached to her headrest, and thus appears to be right there on the end, next to them. My point is that I can see them all together (a rare feat); so I sigh with contentment at the beauteous sight of all three of them lined up together, like angels perched on a cloud of cotton-candy and sugar-plum dreams, and I do what every other mother in creation does; I start to compare them.

Now, judge away, Readers. It is okay. I know that you are worried about Baby Center's spies too. But, I'll be brave and say it, "I compare my children to each other." And I know that you do the same thing. Maybe not out loud. Maybe not even on purpose. And certainly not all the time. But it happens; it is a dirty little lie of parenting, this "we never compare our children". Much like the "we always take a shower before we enter the pool" or "we never prefer one child over the other." (Holy ghost of Dr. Spock! Did she really say that?!) Yes, Readers, I said it; calm down already. You know that I don't mean the Joan-Crawford-kind of deranged preference, I am talking about kinda-sorta-maybe liking the one who isn't screaming at you, just slightly-sorta-a-little-bit better, for the moment in which the screaming takes place. Or maybe for the rest of that day. Or until the screaming one is asleep and being all angel-like again. Don't be afraid for the Supers, Readers. They will be fine. Or they will be rich (having written successful tell-alls). Either way, don't worry; I am totally cool with wire hangers.

But, preference doesn't really come into comparison right now. I am not actually preferring one of them over the other. They are all sleeping, all their little heads cocked to the left, identical blond hair waving in the wind. That is where the similarities end. Super Preschooler cuddles into a ball and furrows his brow at some dream. Super Toddler sprawls and moves every 2 seconds, not even still in sleep. And Super Baby snores and drools like the little lady that she is. They are totally unique and so beautiful, but instead of appreciating this, like every grandmother I run into at the grocery store and every Hallmark Mother's Day card in creation tells me to do, all I am doing is wondering how each one managed to get a completely complete, yet utterly different, set of my flaws.

Because that is the other dirty little lie about parenting, isn't it? Everyone goes on and on about how little Super inherited your eyes or hair or sense of humor, but no one thinks to wonder where the short temper, pear-shape, or worry-worting went. Now, let's not concern ourselves with the physical right now because there will be plenty of time for that in adolescence. I am talking about personality stuff. You know, important stuff. Friend-making stuff. Getting ahead in life stuff. Being a fully functioning and well-balanced member of society stuff. How are my children going to do that stuff when I am stuffing them full of awkward?

I'll be specific. Super Preschooler got my tendency toward worry, my sensitivity, and my perfectionism. Super Toddler has my quick temper and complete late of rationality when angry. And Super Baby might have my tendency to be an overly enthusiastic people-pleaser, but it is a little early to tell. Maybe she dodged the bullet and will only get my wide hips and freckles.

Now, before the pity starts to flow, they got a lot of good stuff too. That most of it came from Awkward Dad is something that we can just gloss right on over. I am in no way saying that my children are all bad or messed-up or causing me to lose sleep at night. OK, strike that last one. I am just concerned about these tendencies that I see in them. Tendencies that I have seen in myself for the last 34 years. And full disclosure here, we have encountered situations this week where these tendencies were on full display, so it feels timely.

Maybe you are a Prefect Mom. Not sure why are you reading this and not making a cake from scratch then, but you might be slumming. Then, of course, you wouldn't know what I am talking about, so I shall explain. When one is awkward, one tends to make mistakes. Mistakes that have a lovely tendency of showing up in one's children; more specifically, their behavior. Like that time the pitcher of orange juice fell off the counter, and Super Preschooler dropped the F-bomb, right before I did. Or that time that Super Toddler did a fine imitation of what Mommy sounds like when everyone is late for church, complete with foot stomping. Or when I hear my words coming out of their mouths; words that were rattled off in a moment of panic or stress or exhaustion. Words that, when applied in the cold light of day, glare with all the damage of a Joan Crawford upbringing.

Thank goodness that they got all those good qualities from Awkward Dad to counteract the lessons they are learning from me. Wow, Battle Royale going on with Self-Pity today! Oh Readers, don't you worry. (Unless, of course, your worry takes the form of chocolate bars; then, feel free to worry.) It has been a rough week and it is only Tuesday and I am sure that is where a lot of this self-pity is coming from.

But the thing is, I don't know how to stop making mistakes, Readers. How do you do it? How do you raise these little people so that they are smart without being arrogant. Kind without being doormats. Beautiful without being vain. Strong without being cruel. Organized without being inflexible. Thoughtful without being neurotic. Open without being spineless. Steady without being dull. Awkward without being awful. This all seems daunting enough, and then we add into the mix that I daily gift them with such clear examples of how not to do things.

By the way, I was in no way being rhetorical. How do you do it? You can send your advice, and your chocolate, to Awkward Manor, Ann Arbor, Michigan. I imagine that it will get here safely, don't you think?

We are gonna sit Awkward Mom down and make her read this. Interestingly, that post also took place the week that she had a book club meeting she was ill-prepared for. After she reads a little of her book, we are gonna make her look at this:


And this:



And then this:



What flaws?

Out being Awkward!

We're out being awkward; back soon! Well, we are really in being awkward....oh, nevermind, here's a cute picture of the Supers and a message from Super Toddler.


Hey Readers-

Hold on, now just relax, Super Toddler here. No need to worry about new Awkward Mom posts. We'll be back soon; we are out collecting material for our next awkward adventure and will return soon to tell you about it.

psst...we really have plenty of material, but Mommy put off reading her book club books, and they are both meeting this week. Silly Mommy. We are gonna take advantage of her nose being in those books to give her even more material for her next post. I think she should call it "Awkward Mom vs. the giant lake that we made in the Bathroom." What do you guys think?

Kisses-
Super Toddler

P.S. FYI, don't mention the words circle and time around Mommy. They seem to make her sad for some reason.....they make me want to run and play and throw toys at other kids, but everyone is different.

Awkward Mom and Reading Mom

Super Mom powers unite! It is time for another team-up!

Dearest Readers, I want to introduce a new ally for Awkward Mom; Reading Mom! I have been lurking on Reading Mom's blog for awhile. Getting to know her, (Stalking her, if you want to be technical about it.), and I think she is fabulous! Her organization skills make me jealous, but I still like her. She doesn't pretend to be a Perfect Mom, and she writes honest posts about the realities of being a mom of three kids. She also deals with the villain Three, which is enough of a reason to give her some reading love.

Speaking of reading, the woman is truly a Super Reader! And not in the PBS sense, but I bet she would be a great ally for them too. She does near weekly book reviews! Holy cats; I am still trying to get through my book club book for this month; and she reads and writes reviews and writes her blog daily/weekly. Oh, and did I mention that her super kids also love to read? Well, they do! A family of Reading Superheros! I love it and I am sure you will too. Go give her a peek. She will be listed on my blog list under "Living Better One Day at a Time." (Yet another brave superhero Mom blogging under her own name....I am just way too dependant on my secret identity for that. Or I never outgrew dress-up, which is probably more likely....)

So, let's give her an awkward welcome, Readers! Wait, maybe don't, that doesn't sound good at all......Anyway, Reading Mom, keep up the great writing (and reading)!

Super Preschooler has liked to read for awhile too. Here he is around age 2; he may have some directional issues to work out, but the intent was good.

Awkward Mom vs. the Church Photo Shoot

This post is really just a teaser for the real Church Photo Shoot, and, yes, we know, that is totally unfair. But Readers, look at what we are working with here:

I don't even know if you can see that, but it is 6 photos that the Borrowers might have had hanging in their stairwell. Our real photos will arrive in a few weeks; I bought 1 copy of each proof just for your amusement. That is how much I love you guys. But really, it will be worth it; I am planning to send all 6 to AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

Just to get you in the mood, I am gonna let you listen in on our conversation in the car, post photo shoot.

Awkward Dad: "I am just saying that she could have let me mop up my face before she took that one. I'm positively glazed here."

Super Preschooler: "You promised us ice cream!"

Me: "That was if you behaved and actually looked at the camera. What is going on here? We look like refugees from Ellis Island."

Super Baby: "Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada."

Awkward Dad: "Where was all that love for me when we were taking pictures? You acted like I was trying to kidnap you!"

Me: "I kinda like this one."

Awkward Dad: "Are you kidding?! I don't end. Why did she put me on the edge like that? You didn't use that one for the directory, did you?"

Me: ...

Super Toddler: "ICE CREAM!!"

Awkward Dad: "You did?!?! I look awful! And huge! People at church are going to think we had more kids but I ate them! Why did you pick that one?"

Me: "Well, it's the only one where I don't look insane."

Awkward Dad: "You don't look insane in this one."

Super Preschooler: "Ice Cream, please!"

Me: "Maybe, just hold on. I totally look insane; I am not even looking at the camera!"

Awkward Dad: "Well, what was wrong with this one?"

Me: "Are you serious? Super P. is holding a football in front of his face! Where did he even get that anyway?"

Awkward Dad: "The photographer seemed to think that it made the picture more interesting."

Me: "As if Super Toddler's face here wasn't doing that already. What is in his mouth?"

Super Toddler: "ICE CREAM!"

Awkward Dad: "Well, I hope you are happy. Everyone is gonna think that I just came from an eating competition and have the meat sweats. Even our current church friends are gonna shun us and you can forget about making any new ones."

Me: "It isn't that bad. You can just tell people that you had a cold and the lights were really hot. But..."

Super Preschooler and Super Toddler: "ICE CREAM!"

Awkward Dad and Me: "IN A MINUTE!"

Super Baby: "Dada. Dada. Dada."

Awkward Dad: "You aren't fooling anybody, Super Traitor. But what?"

Me: "What?"

Awkward Dad: "You said But..."

Super Preschooler: "BUTT!!"

Awkward Dad: "No, I didn't mean that kind. And that kind of talk isn't funny."

Super Toddler: "Funny! Butt!"

Me: "I was just wondering where your glasses were. Why weren't you wearing your glasses?"

Awkward Dad: "They were smeared and I thought they would look weird."

Me: "Well, it might have broken up some of the sheen. You know, just a little."

Awkward Dad: "I HAVE A COLD! You better tell people I have a cold when you go blogging about this, because I know that you are gonna blog about this and not tell people that I am not usually this sweaty because you are gonna think it is funny, so you better make sure they know that I HAVE A COLD!"

Super Preschooler: "I would like some ice cream, Mommy. Please."

Me: "OK, ice cream, it is. And I still don't think it is that bad."

Awkward Dad: "humph. I have a cold."

Oh sure, now they smile.

So, basically, the church photo shoot went down with typical awkwardness. Stay tuned for photos large enough to actually see! Oh, and by the way, Awkward Dad had a cold.

I just thank the good Lord that she waited until we were home to pull this pose.

Awkward Mom vs. the Anime Convention

Now, to be clear, she is not really taking on anime itself; Awkward Mom is awkward, not crazy. I mean, those people are robots, airbenders, teenaged bikers, bounty hunters, alchemists, cyborgs, ninjas, goldfish, police officers, vampire hunters, steampunks, hedgehogs, master thieves, man-wolves, mobsters, dream invaders, and monsters, of both the duel and pockets variety. No way is she dealing with that motley crew. She is talking about decent, but mostly awkward, people who dress up like anime characters and show up to confuse and delight her dress-up obsessed son. Them, she is taking on.

They are called Cosplayers, narrator o' mine. And they are currently everywhere in the Great Wolf Lodge. They are pretty much hanging off the surfaces, just like the lodgey decor. So, now, we have the Cracker Barrel of lodge/anime. And frankly, it is totally freaky looking.

I have no beef with cosplayers. I have never been one because I don't have the energy, sewing skills, or the desire to explain what obscure character from "Cyborg 009" I am dressed as. (Françoise Arnoul, by the way, but that really isn't fair, because that is a magna, not an anime... Are we loving this post yet, Readers? So super nerdy! ) Moreover, although I love some good manga, my reading material is usually reserved for the magical world of Marvel comics (house of M withstanding). I am no expert on magna or anime. My good ally (and the aptly named), Magna Mom is, and her son, Charming Preschooler is a pretty big fan too. Maybe I will ask her to guest post about the use of anime/magna in parenting one day (I have a feeling there is a ton of material there), but that will have to wait, because today I am telling you about the craziness going on in this here lodge.

But first, I have to sidetrack again (huge shock there) and tell you about Magic Quest. As you can see (and hear; yikes! Is it as loud on your computer?) from the above link, Magic Quest is "the World's Largest Live Action Game!" OK, here's how it works: you buy your child a wand. (I assume that you could play it yourself but it is aimed to ages 6-12.) Your child takes this wand and waves it at things (strategically placed all over the lodge) that have the Magic Quest logo on them (a M and a Q all intertwined to look cool) and the things open/talk/move around. I have no idea how this works. Awkward Dad went on and on about infra-red technology, but I think it is real magic, as does Super P. You wave your wand at some fake trees and a computer screen pops out to give you quests or adventures to complete. You look for runes/crystals or find treasure or save fairies or battle dragons. You end up talking to all manner of storybook folk (including the wizard who shouts at you if you click on the above link)and there is a medieval/Renaissance Fair vibe to the whole thing; understandably, Super Preschooler loses his mind with glee. And for the record, no, I did not know that this game was at our hotel until we got there.

None of our questing pictures turned out, I think there was too much wand waving going on, but here is a picture of Super Preschooler with his:

It is ultra him. The Magic Quest proprietor (a pimply young man in a tunic) tries to talk Super P. into a brown wand with a dragon on it, but our hero knows his own mind. It is shocking pink with a unicorn topper, and every time that he waves it at a computer screen in the game, a giant unicorn appears, to bound over a rainbow and neigh loud enough to be heard in the water park. Oh, it is epic.

Super P. has been happily playing this for 2 days at this point and even Super Toddler has a wand (a utilitarian blue with no topper...all business, that Super T.); they are romping through the halls. Awkward Dad is lagging behind with the stroller and I am trying to keep up. You see, I am the keeper of the "the Ancient Book of Wisdom" (a booklet with the rules and some hints) because I am the only one of our merry trio of questers who can read. We are seeking the Enchant Creature Rune, and actually making some headway, when Super Preschooler comes to a screeching halt on the balcony and stares over into the lobby. Super Toddler, never known for his breaks, slams right into Super Preschooler and nearly tumbles over the railing. I grab him and examine him for injuries and therefore miss Super Preschooler's face as he intones (in a voice about as loud as the Wizard's), "Princesses!" Awkward Dad told me later that Super Preschooler's face resembled one's as one gazes upon the Shroud of Turin.

Thinking he has spied some aspect of the game, I casually look over the railing to be confronted by something like this. Except, of course, these girls do not have eyes the size of plates and are dealing with little things like gravity and the third and fourth dimensions. Foes that their inspirations never had to tangle with. They are standing in a line by a table, and they are trailed by (in no particular order): a girl dressed as Mario (as in the game), a girl dressed as Link (also as in the game) a traditional Catholic schoolgirl waving a flag, 2 ghosts, something fishy-looking with a tail, a homemade approximation of this, a panda, and numerous gothy looking girls with brightly colored wigs. Incredulous, I turn to Awkward Dad, who simply smiles and points to a sign across the lobby that proclaims, "Welcome Northern Michigan Anime Convention. Cosplay judging located outside the gift shop."

Thinking that his Magic Quest wand just opened a portal into a fairy land, Super Preschooler goes running down the stairs and dives into the wild world of nerdom, about 10 years ahead of schedule. Oh boy. So, we go trailing after and find him chatting up a rather sweet girl in a puffy white dress who is only too pleased to tell us all about Princess Tutu. Super Preschooler is entranced. Super Toddler is bored, so he wanders off to find out what the Cowboy Bebop guys are up to. The cosplayer girls come running over to ooh and aah at Super Baby and I am reminded that teenage girls are teenage girls, regardless of their hair color. Although, Super Baby really does have eyes the size of plates, so that might be helping her case here. Awkward Dad, who has a decent history with comic conventions, seems right at home, so I give in and just let the awkward flow.

And flow it does. There are cosplayers dressed as everything under the sun. We watch a gaggle of giggling Ghost Hounds gather by the fireplace. I am able to cover Super Preschooler's eyes when I catch him eyeing some Samurai Girls, but Awkward Dad is a grown man, there was little I could do about that. We observe what looks like a business meeting of vampire hunters, and admire the stitching of many a homemade cloak. We witness a frantic Princess Resurrection call her father about some missing supplies, and we are delighted to see the King himself, when he drives over to bring her the hair straightener and corset that she forgot at home. The best part is watching Super Preschooler interact with all these teenagers. Little know fact, Readers: all teenagers think they are too cool, even when they are wearing the equivalent of a Madi Gras float on their person. Awkward Dad and I are treated like oh so much background noise, but the Supers? The Supers are embraced like long lost relatives. Is it the fact that they have wands or that Super Preschooler deems most of the costumes there "stunning" or "gorgeous"? Are Super Baby's enormous eyes the tipping point? Maybe. But I think the gentle, creative, magic that lurks within the person brave enough to play pretend well into their teens and beyond knows how to treat little kids with kindness and respect. For some reason, cosplayers have managed to hang on to their childlike wonder at the prospect of dress-up, and for that reason alone, I admire them. Despite some of the more questionable aspects of their costumes, I would have let any of these folks babysit. I mean, come on; think about what kind of amazing pretend play that would be!

So, it is all weird and crazy and delightfully awkward, and then the awkward level goes right through the beam-laden lodge roof. I know that I have hinted at the clock tower in the main lobby. I can't really explain it and pictures do NOT do it justice. Just go check it out at youtube, right here. Take your time, but it really gets going around minute 3. Now, try to picture all those refugees from an eighties Chuck E. Cheese singing for me, Awkward Dad, a wand waving Super Preschooler, a completely overtired Super Toddler manically running in circles, a Super Baby that has decided the fireplace is the place to pull up, about a dozen more exhausted families with young, over-stimulated children, about 45 cosplayers (including one dressed as Steve from Blues Clues...I wanna see that anime right now!), someone dressed up as Oliver (the lodge's resident raccoon), and 3 employees from the Great Wolf Lodge, trying to act like this is totally normal. Let it sink in. Got it? Yes, pure awkward (nerd-tinged) bliss. You really have to soak that in when you are lucky enough to come across it. Watching all those cosplayers doing the "Great Wolf Lodge Wolf Howl" is one of the truly awkwardly epic moments of my life and it will lodge in my memory forever. Pun totally intended.

It is a little hard to adjust to normal life after an experience like that, and we were worried that all other awkward experiences would seem flat and, well, normal. Should have has more faith in the Supers and their ability to locate the awkward among us. For, Super Preschooler has started Preschool again and Super Toddler is in a class of his own at First Steps. Super Toddler even has a new nemesis; Circle Time....oh, you won't want to miss the fall follies and frolics around here, Readers. They should prove to be awkward indeed. Catch you later!!


Words fail me, Readers. Words fail here.

Awkward Mom vs. Lodge Expectations

When Awkward Mom presented the idea of going to northern Michigan for the first Awkward Family Vacation ever, she talked about the unspoiled scenery, the beaches, the lighthouses, the rolling hills. It painted a picture of a Norman Rockwellian summer vacation with barefoot children collecting shells and romping in the bounty of nature. Who wouldn't want that? So, therefore, it makes perfect sense that she would book the Supers in a hotel that has a waterpark in it. Oh, and an arcade. And an interactive video game. And animatronic Chucky-Cheese-like creatures that pop out of a clock and sing once an hour. And an anime convention. Did I mention the salon or the gift shop? No? Well, let's let Awkward Mom tell you, shall we?

For the record, I had no idea about the anime convention.

I really did not intend to take the children to a resort for their vacation. I really didn't. What happened was that I did a search on Travelocity. Or was it Expedia? Which one does Captain Kirk work for? Oh well, nevermind; one of those sites. I was looking for a hotel that wasn't a chain. Something fun and quaint and unique. Something to perfectly capture the great family vacation to northern Michigan that I was looking for. And this Great Wolf Lodge thing popped up. The rates seemed fair and I thought it would be nice to stay in a lodge for our trip to northern Michigan. It just seemed a lodgey place, you know?

Well, for those of you too lazy to click on the link above, the Great Wolf Lodge is a chain. Don't feel bad about being lazy, I clearly didn't click on it because I didn't even know it was a chain until I walked into the lobby and saw all the flags from their different locations. Flags, Readers. There was a theme-song playing too. A theme song. In a lobby about as un-lodgey as can be, by the way. Well, that isn't really fair. It was actually massively lodgey. There were stuffed animals everywhere. Like Norman-Bates-taxidermy stuffed animals. Not children's playthings; although there were plenty of those in the gift shop. There was a big fireplace. There were wooden beams and tons of wooden furniture and bear pelts and lodge stuff. Like a ton of lodge stuff. Lodge stuff hanging off of nearly everything and nailed to every single wall. It was like the Cracker Barrel of lodge-stuff. But mostly, it was kinda like if Disneyland made a lodge, you know. Totally lodged out in every direction, and therefore, not really lodgey at all. Does that make sense at all? Here, this might help:

This is a photo of the clock tower (and residents) that sings throughout the day (more on that later). Do you see what I mean? Lodgey but Disney-lodgey.

Now, I have to confess something right away. I have never been to Disneyland. Or Disneyworld. Or EuroDisney. Or any of them. Is there one on the moon yet? Anywho, the point is, I don't really know what Disneyland is like. I have an idea about what it might be like. A prejudiced, exaggerated, mostly based on a Jim Gaffigan video I once saw, idea about Disneyland. I think of Disneyland as someplace rather sanitized, really bright, ultra peppy, super clean, and kinda fake. Now Readers, don't get the wrong idea! An idea like: "Hey, Awkward Mom wants to take her kids to dirty, dark, dank, real places." I would love to go to Disneyland. Or Disneyworld. Or Disneymoon. It hasn't been in the cards yet (as in the credit cards), but we'll make it there. I just wouldn't have referred to the Great Wolf Lodge as a lodge. I would have called it a resort. And here is the rub, I have never been to one of those either.

Now, before you get more wrong ideas and start thinking that the Awkward Grandparents had us working in sweatshops and kept us chained to our desks, we totally took vacations. Have you meet my mother? Of course, we took vacations. What is that? Oh no, I didn't mean literally, although I am sure she would love to have you over. She loves guests. We should all hang out sometime. What I really mean is: have you read about my mother here and here? The woman adores adventure and travel. She just never seems to adore staying at a resort or going on a cruise, and I am pretty sure she has never been to Disneyland. She is creative and wants to plan her own travel. She always wants to see something off the beaten path. This is the woman who once planned an entire Illinois road trip based around weird Abraham Lincoln statues. She had us trolling graveyards and peeking around trees on that one. Of course, the best part was when we nearly drove into a demolition derby to see a water tower with "an angry Abraham Lincoln, clutching the Emancipation Proclamation" on the side of it. I'll tell you about it sometime. My parents took us to Yellowstone, the Black Hills, the Badlands, the Rocky Mountains, Washington D.C., the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, the Alamo, Alaska, and even Northern Michigan. I have seen Hitler's Bicycle and a double-decker outhouse, but those are tales for another time.

My point is (I seem to be saying that a lot this post....) that my childhood vacations tended to be the home-grown, put it together yourself, travel book at the ready, Ikea-like vacations. The hiking around, picking rocks off the beach, going were the wind takes you, dirty, gas station bathrooms, meeting locals, eating fast food, getting ice in a bucket with no liner, entering the motel from an outside door (you know what I am talking about), nomadic vacation. Now, don't you feel sorry for me, Readers. I had it great. Talk to Awkward Dad if you wanna hear about traveling west in the summer with no air-conditioning, a basket of baloney sandwiches and RC colas, and just 1 Huey Lewis tape to listen to. You'll pull out your violins for that one. Unless, of course, you love baloney and rocking out to the Power of Love.

OK, here is my point (last time, I swear): while I would love to take a cruise or a tour or go to a resort or go to Disneyland, I never have. To me, a family vacation involves a lot of driving, a lot of walking, and a lot of really weird sight-seeing. Now, this Great Wolf Lodge is acing that last one, but it wasn't what I was expecting. And we all know how dangerous expectations are. The ugly dirty shameful truth is that I kinda wanted to recapture my childhood a little bit. (Horrors!)

But I did. You know, watch my kids go romping down the beach, oohing and aahing over pretty rocks. Actually watch them. Have the time to sit there and watch them play without having to race here or do this or feel all the million tiny pressures of the house. I wanted that feeling of adventure and freedom again. I wanted to see them pleased; I just thought it would be with things other than giant water slides. But if there is one thing I have learned about parenting, it is that your expectations will always be shattered. But I could have the idyllic family vacation I wanted with my family. I just had to recalculate my expectations a little. And I did. Very quickly. Like the second the Supers went tearing across the lobby to press their faces up against the windows into the water park. Well, it might have taken until second 2, when Awkward Dad went tearing after them to do that same thing. Or maybe, it was second 3, when they all turned to me with grins the size of Texas and asked, "Can we go?"

"Yes, we can go."

"Just let me check out this weird clock thingie first."

And we'll tell you all about the clock thingie when you tune in next time, Readers! Stay tuned. And don't feel too bad for Awkward Mom and her expectations. Sometimes, they are met perfectly:

Awkward Mom vs. the Family Vacation

And this little piggy said "are we there yet? are we there yet?" all the way home....

Well, we did it! We survived our first family vacation. We travelled to 4 states in all and had numerous adventures. We went to a water park, a year-round Christmas store full of breakable baubles, beaches full of my arch-nemesis (aka: SAND), and a resort full of my other arch-nemesis (aka: Perfect Moms); all with 3 children under the age of 4. Why? I am not sure, we must be insane. No, not quite insane, it isn't like we ran a marathon in Disneyland or anything. We are just really awkward.

And Readers, I am not kidding; the awkward follows us. For who was at our hotel this week but the northern Michigan anime convention. An Awesomely Awkward Anime Convention; Holy nerdtastic Batman! You will just have to stay tuned to hear all about it. I am off to unload a week's worth of sand from the Awkward Mobile....ugh.....why was that little piggy in such a hurry to get home again?

And now, a preview of the awkward:

Super Baby, who spent the vacation crawling where she wasn't supposed to and pulling up on a variety of hotel furniture. And Super Baby's anime-huge eyes, which had me clinging to her for dear life anytime I ventured out among the Cosplayers.

Super Toddler and his pretty much permanent vacation expression.

Super Preschooler and his Magic Quest wand. More on that later, but needless to say, someone decided to LARP a little earlier than I was prepared for.

Did I mention the Arcade we went to? No? Ah well, here we have a collection of very "appropriate" prizes. Huge snake for Super P. and baby snake for Super Baby. Super Toddler is the one holding the blaster that makes at least 14 different sounds. Sigh.

Double Sigh.

Nothing says Awkward Summer Vacation quite like posing with a coy and fairly creepy Santa.