Awkward Mom vs. Sleep doctors

You know what, I wash my hands of her. I do believe she is avoiding that to do list!

I'll make this quick, I promise; it isn't like the Help is gonna read itself. But I was reading Crunchy Mom's latest post about sleep techniques, which is super fun by the way (go read it, I'll wait), and it got me thinking: why should Time Magazine have all the fun? I mean, I like to stir the pot too, Time Magazine! Quit hogging all the pot stirrers!

So, let's get controversial! Who's with Dr. Sears? Who's with Dr. Ferber? I will tell you true; I am with whatever hot TV doctor wants to come on over here, get these kids to sleep, and give me a foot rub, but I am pretty mainstream that way. Of course, in most realms of my life, I am forever waiting for someone hot from TV to show up; hasn't happened yet, but that doesn't mean it is not going to!

Here's me being serious for a quick sec: Ladies (because, come on, you all know that men do NOT stress about this mess), relax.

Oh, wait. You want me to explain that? Readers, come on! I got dinner to make and 150 pages to read by Friday and I think someone in here needs a diaper....OK, that diaper has waited this long.

Are your children fed? Good; you are doing fine. If it wasn't organic, was organic, you made it, you grew it, someone else made it, someone else bought it, breast-milk, formula, soy milk, it was green, blue, purple, you cut a moldy part off, you bought it at Whole Foods or Aldi; they are fed. You are a good mom.

Are they wearing clothes? Good. If they are handmade, store bought, disposable diapers, cloth diapers, ugly, 3 sizes too big, dress up clothes, stained, old, still have a tag on that you forgot to cut off, covered in paint/mud/grass-stains, branded with something, or from Walmart; they are clothed. You are a good mom.

If they aren't wearing any clothes, is it because they took them off voluntarily, like to be naked, got away from you while you were starting a bath, got away from you after a bath, or are potty training? Whatever the reason; you are a good mom, you just have a streaker on your hands.

Are they playing with something? Good. If it is an expensive toy that shouts at them, a computer, a wooden block, a book, your sock, you, some puzzles, trucks, cars, the cat, your phone, your keys, some fancy device that promises to make your child a genius, or a paper box; they are learning. You are a good mom.

Do they sleep? Good. In their bed, crib, bassinet, your bed, with you, a chair, the floor, under the bed, on top of the desk, in front of the fridge, sitting up, laying down, on their back, on their front, under the covers, on the covers, wearing pjs, wearing the clothes they played in, naked, with a doll, with 18 stuffed animals, with a pillow, without a pillow, with a truck they like, with the cat, with the dog, on the roof; they are sleeping. You are a good mom. (Roof-sleeping is reserved for those with an advanced degree in sleeping or for those planning to join the circus.)

If you got them to sleep by singing, with hypnoses, by nursing, holding them, letting them scream, noise machines, CDs, mobiles, talking to their brother or sister, cuddling a stuffed animal, cuddling a truck, reading to them, rocking them, giving up and letting your partner deal with it, giving up and letting your mother deal with it; they are sleeping. You are a good mom.

Do you love them? Good. You are a good mom.

You
Are
A
Good
Mom.

OK, that diaper has reached a critical stage, must dash. But when I get back, I want some controversial comments!! Come on, ya'll have opinions that are more interesting than mine, I wanna hear 'em!

PS...Congrats to Crunchy Mom for getting some sleep!