Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Awkward Mom vs. The Shedd Aquarium

We are gonna be honest with you guys; Awkward Mom is dragging over here. She needs a vacation from her recent vacation. (It might be better to call it a in, "Let's trip over to this relative, and then trip on over to this one, oh, and we better trip up over here because Awkward Dad thinks it looks cool. Well, that, and she just flat out trips a lot.) It doesn't look like this week is gonna be any vacation though. The Super boys are still on Central Time and going to bed late. Awkward Dad is catching up at work and also going to bed late. Which means, you guessed it; Awkward Mom is going to bed late. You would think all this late bed-timing would mean some late-rising, but Super Baby thinks not, so it does not.

On the house cleaning front, we think the Super Cats had a catnip party while we were gone, if the evidence under the bed is anything to go by. Awkward Mom is still drowning in laundry, and it didn't help that Awkward Dad took the set of keys with the laundry key yesterday...not that anyone is pointing fingers. Now, she did shake the unlaundry-keyed set at him when he got home though, suppose that is comparable to a finger point. And she is about 150 pages shy of finishing the book-club book that has to be read by Friday for the book-club that is her house.

Lordy, looks like we are not gonna get much outta her in terms of a post today, are we? Guess we will just have to use that old stand by, the pictorial post! (We know your secret, Readers.....we know that you enjoy them more than Awkward Mom's bloated prose. Fear not, we won't tell her. Let her think we are really disappointed, but understand, given her recent return from her "trip.") Enjoy!

I am sure my weird-other-voice narrator has explained things to you, so I will get right to it! One of our stops on our trip was to the Shedd Aquarium. I have never lived on a coast or in Hawaii, so this aquarium is terribly impressive to me. Check it out next time you are in Chicago, you won't be disappointed. I will let you explore the astounding aquatic adventures for yourself; you are here to hear about the awkward. Well, here is it, in all it's fuzzy glory. (because Awkward Museum Rule 1 is: "always forget the camera in the car and resort to using Awkward Dad's iphone that no one really knows how to use effectively.") Enjoy!

Awkward Museum Rule 3: When visiting any place remotely cool, make sure that your children force you to spend an unhealthy amount of time in the "children's area" and make sure they try on as many "playclothes" as possible, preferably ones that someone has spilled something unidentifiable on.

What is that, Readers? Oh, Rule 2? Well, Awkward Museum Rule 2 is to make sure that your visit to any large and fascinating museum falls on Field Trip day for most of the city's middle schoolers. We are awkward overachievers and picked a day most of the high schoolers were there too; lucky us!

Awkward Museum Rule 4 is really one for the kiddies, so listen up little ones: When playing in the aforementioned "children's area," which, for the point of illustration, let's make an inexplicable camp-site in the middle of an aquarium, make sure to fight very loudly with your sibling over a fake piece of bacon. Draw as much attention as you can and be very very loud; it is field trip day, after all, there are loads of big kids to compete with. In fact, make sure to slam into a few of them if you can. Since I know that pictures can help when building proper fight technique, check out this fighting form:

Awkward Museum Rule 5: Once you have successfully beaten your brother off and are in sole possession of the fake cooking set, make sure to gloat and have your dad take a lot of pictures.

Awkward Museum Rule 6: When your 4 year old child tells you, "Gee Dad, Jellyfish are cool and all that, but why don't we skip going through here a fourth time and look at some of the other fish," you might wanna think about who the parent is here. Just saying. But yes, Jellyfish are very very cool.

Awkward Museum Rule 7: Do NOT go see any Dora/Diego 3D movie. I don't have to explain this one, do I? Just don't.

Awkward Museum Rule 8: Make sure your Super Baby travels like this the entire museum trip:

They really like it when you park them in a corner facing the wall too. Oh, and don't forget to forget them in the shark room, so you can go racing through there, pushing middle schoolers out of your way like Jaws himself has busted through the glass, when you finally remember that you have 3 kids. If you don't believe in strollers or just forgot yours in the car with the camera, carrying them asleep-half falling-out-of-a-sling or awake-chewing-on-said-sling-with-one-leg-not-all-the-way-in are also 2 very acceptable awkward modes of museum travel for babies.

Awkward Museum Rule 9: Another one for the kiddies; Hey Guys, see that second "children's area?" Spend even more time in it than the first one. Who cares that you are late for the "Aquatic Show"! Your parents don't care that they had to spend extra money on the show. Make a couple friends while you are in there too; make sure to pick the ones with the unfriendliest parents. Oh, you found a friend who pushes you down and then lies about it? With aggressive, rude parents wearing NRA shirts? Oh, A+ in awkward, my little friends!

Awkward Museum Rule 10: Make sure to dress up the child who doesn't want to dress up. Then take about 324324 pictures of him refusing to smile.

Awkward Museum Rule 11: Rush in late to the Aquatic Show. Realize that your baby needs a diaper. Try to leave quietly. Come back when the air-raid siren that is your middle child starts to make people's ears bleed. Try to carry them both up the stairs that are simulated to resemble rocky coastal terrain. Fail and fall into a nice gentleman from somewhere down south. Try not to die as he helps you pack up the contents of your bag that have spilled open onto his lap. Burst into the hallway to be told that there is no reentry. Trip into the bathroom to find out that the diaper was just a false alarm. Watch otters and seahorses for the rest of your time at the museum and call it a win.

Awkward Museum Rule 12: Spend entirely too much money in the gift shop. Duh.

Man, those seahorses are cute, aren't they? Are you gonna tell her that she only had 2 pictures of sea life in an entire post about the aquarium? No? OK, I'll do it. Maybe after her book-club though...We'll be back with more awkward antics in a jiffy. Just as soon as she finishes the laundry, reads that book, cleans her house, and figures out how to make a cheese ball. You all might want to help her with that one; anyone got a good recipe? Comment it to us super quick, she needs to not kill the nice ladies in her new book-club. Thanks!


  1. HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, Awkward Mom, we've been waiting with bated breath and that story did not disappoint! And the picture of Super Baby in the stroller..omg. CUUUUTE!

  2. Welcome back! I can imagine how exhausted you are from the trip but I bet you came back with a lot of very special memories- like the Aquarium trip :)