Monday, July 25, 2011

Awkward Mom vs. Trimester 2

Trimester 2; otherwise known as "can-hair-even-grow-there?"

So, here we are in Trimester 2. Right there, you can tell this is not the first baby of the Awkward Family. The first time; you know exactly how many minutes pregnant you are. People ask how far along you are and you rattle off the specific week. I know the specific week for about 2 minutes, once a week, when BabyCenter sends me my weekly guilt email. You know, the one where they tell you that gaining 5 pounds during the course of the whole pregnancy is perfectly sufficient or that you should be playing Brahms directly into your belly 4 times a day, while you eat kale. (The only one I listened to was the one when they told me not to worry but to continue the same exercise routine I had before I was pregnant....I'll just let you guess why that one appealed to me.)

But back to my forgetfulness. Yes, poor Super Fetus. I don't have any idea what week we are in right now. In fact, I am a little confused on the month too. (I'll be honest; months 4 and 5 always blend together for me.) However, I am very very sure we are in Trimester 2. I know this because I have reached glowing.

Although, it might be more truthful to tell you that I am glistening. Shining. Damp. Perhaps a bit moist (ummm....ew). OK. OK. Sweating like a stuck pig. It does not help that I have never reached glowing in the summer before (Super Toddler and Super Baby being winter babies); to experience glowing in July must be akin to walking on the surface of the sun. I do NOT even want to think about all of you who are in Trimester 3, but if you want to come over and lean into my freezer for awhile, I won't judge. I am pretty sure that is what glowing really means: completely and utterly unable to control one's internal temperature and filled with a burning desire to sit in front of a fan and eat ice cream pretty much every waking minute.

Not that sleeping minutes are much better. When I am not waking to visit the bathroom, I am having vivid, disturbing, and flat-out inappropriate dreams about all the Backyardigans. I can't really face them on Netflix in the light of day and have been pushing Super Why these days. I feel the need to knock on some wood right now because I don't know what tonight will bring and if Princess Pea spells anything too graphic in my dreams, I am gonna be stuck with uncomfortable morning after vibes. Super Toddler will not tolerate a break from his favorite spelling princess.

All in all, Super Fetus is showing him/herself to be a master of body manipulation. He/she tired of nausea-inducing around the end of Trimester 1 (I think he/she figured out that particular superpower had a nasty side-effect of reducing food intake), but we are going strong with spontaneous fatigue. Super Fetus apparently also has the ability to control gravity, sending me careening into walls and tripping over air at a moment's notice. But his/her particular favorite seems to be the ability to cause rapid and embarrassing hair growth. And just in time for pool weather. Super indeed, Super Fetus!

But let me tell you one benefit to Trimester 2, Super Readers. Uh, oh, that doesn't bode well for tonight's dreams....but that isn't what I wanted to tell you. What I wanted to tell you about was the Trimester 2 ultrasound. This is what my doctor refers to as the "fun" ultrasound. I believe it is so dubbed because the baby looks more babyish than at the first ultrasound but less like Modok, which, let's face it, is how babies can look during a Trimester 3 ultrasound. Go ahead, look him up in Wikipedia. I'll wait. Mean, but true, you gotta admit....

Anyway, the fun ultrasound! I also think it is so named because this is the ultrasound when you can find out if you are having a boy or a girl. But since we are strictly opening-Christmas-presents-on-Christmas-morning people, we are going to wait. No judgments of you like to open your gifts Christmas Eve, or even December 15th or 7th for that matter; I imagine that it must have been a truly magical moment to find out who you were waiting for in the sacred dark of that ultrasound room. For myself, after hearing the doctor shout "It's a boy!" in the ridiculously joyful chaos of Super Toddler's birth, I have become an addict to the surprise. The waiting and guessing are kinda fun too, which makes me think that maybe I will wait to tell you about Super Fetus' ultrasound. Come back and I promise to tell you about wands that were not really wands, how 2 toddlers deal with a hour long sit in the dark (staring at the most boring movie in creation) and just how much of a voyeur Super Baby really is. It'll be just like Christmas morning....ummm wait, that didn't come out right....

So, the battle with Trimester 2 continues to rage. That the battle seems to consist of Awkward Mom remembering that she is in Trimester 2 is certainly an unique problem, but far be it from us to judge. Stay tuned for Awkward Mom's awkward retelling of a decidedly awkward ultrasound. See ya soon!

1 comment:

  1. Hmm..Super Fetus must indeed have strong powers: I too am tripping over air! Odd, since I'm neither pregnant nor in any close proximity to your unborn child. Could it be I'm just clumsy? Nah! I'm sticking with the "It's Super Fetus' Amazingly Strong Powers" theory...