Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Awkward Mom vs. Sleeplessness

You know how we were battling Napkin-Face and his antics of distraction last week? Well, this week, we are contending with another villain with unprecedented powers of persuasion regarding non-blogging. See this fellow here:

Looks a lot like Super Baby, right? Well, I think it is actually his evil twin, Sleepless Baby! This super villain has not slept through the night in 6 days. And you all know what that means. Awkward Mom has not slept through the night in 6 days either.

Interestingly enough, Sleepless Baby and his demands have no effect what-so-ever on Awkward Dad. I think he has what is known in some circles as Dad Hearing, an incredibly strong superpower that filters the noises children make. I love you Daddy would get right in there. Daddy, I need a diaper would be filtered right out; as are most sounds made during the hours of midnight to 8am. Sadly, I was born with Mom Hearing, which enables one to interpret every baby cry into its subtext. Sleepless Baby likes to wake me with if-you-don't-come-rushing-in-here-right-now-you-are-a-bad-mother-and-I-will-never-attend-Harvard-or-have-any-of-my-dreams-come-true-oh-by-the-way-I-just-blew-out-my-diaper-and-I-would-like-a-snack-because-that-dinner-you-made-Mom-well-it-didn't-really-hit-the-spot-OK-thanks-good-talk.

Although, to be truthful, Sleepless Baby has had competition in the keeping-mommy-awake department in the form of Super Fetus; master of the bladder squeeze, the double charlie-horse, and the dreaded I-feel-like-dancing-the-cha-cha-up-against-mommy's-ribs-at-4-am. Needless to say, I am battle weary and lacking coherent (let alone half-way witty) blogisms. Check back later, I am researching baby Valium...

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