Friday, April 18, 2014

Awkward Mom vs. Heist Teams

Dearest Super Baby-

You are 2 months old today. I am having trouble believing that it isn't 200 years; your impact on our lives has been epic. I don't really have words for the complete peace that you bring into our family and the balance you radiate. Me short of words is pretty rare, so you know that you are a powerful presence indeed. You are snuggled up to me right now, your head fitting perfectly into the curve of my neck and your tiny fist thumping out a little rhythm on my chest that matches my heart exactly. I could sit here forever, except I kinda have to go to the bathroom. It's not urgent, but things may reach a fever pitch here about mid-letter. Just warning ya now.

You are so serene. So at peace with yourself; it is hard to imagine that you will ever need anything other than the odd diaper that you need nowadays. But the world is big and mysterious. I don't want to send you out there unprepared. My love, I am not very skilled. I can show you how to make good scrambled eggs. I know a decent amount of grammar. And I can tell you who won the Best Actor Oscar in 1967 (Paul Scofield). But then, my skills just kinda end. 

However, and fortunately for you, you are the youngest in a sibling tribe as varied and perceptive as the side characters in a heist movie. They will teach you all you need to know. 

Your oldest brother is a true friend and, as Arnold Glasow says, "a true friend never gets in your way, unless you happen to be going down." 
Super K. is never gonna let you go down. 
Not without a fight, that is.

I asked Super Kindergartener what you needed to know for the future, and he told me to tell you: "don't touch exposed wires." He's right, you know. He is right about most things. Super K. won't let anything happen to you; he didn't even want to hold you for this picture. "I might drop him. I don't want to hurt him." Super K. is the cautious, thoughtful big brother than everyone needs and everyone lucky is born with. He is gentle and kind and a true-blue friend who will not abandon you just because someone cooler comes along. Super K. couldn't care less what is cool because he knows that cool doesn't last and friendship is magic, especially when ponies and princesses are involved.

In our heist analogy, he is the architect of the master plan; the level-headed one, but the one who is willing to go to jail rather than leave a single member of his team behind. The computery one who can hack into any system. The one with no interest in a bloodbath, but smart enough to avoid any violence with some planning and general smarts. Just your average multi-skilled super genius with a heart of gold.

He will teach you in the ways of the Force; honing your natural skills and reluctantly showing you some lightsaber moves, just in case. He'll be the one to show you how to read. He'll teach you how to deal with bullies without throwing a punch. He'll loan you money when you are broke, and he should be your one phone call if you ever land in jail for any reason at all.

When you need to learn how to dance, ask Super K. When you need to pick out a present, ask Super K. When you need to start a fire in the wilderness with nothing but sticks and a pair of glasses, ask Super K. In fact, Super Kindergartener should be your point of reference for any and all boy scouty questions.

The thing is, sometimes, the world contains questions a boy scout can't answer. 
And that, my little man, is why you have your other brother. 

When I asked Super Preschooler what you needed to know for the future, he said "tell him to never jump out of a plane without a parachute." He's right, you know. He is right about most things. Super P. is adventure itself. He was clamoring to hold you while I was taking your picture with Super K. Super P. just kinda popped in here, scooped you up, and went for it. Super P. is bold and confident and passionate about those he loves. He couldn't care less what is cool because he knows that he is cooler. Super P. will set trends and change things, so just stick close and enjoy the ride.

When it comes to heisting, Super P. is that dude they find in jail in the beginning. The one who has all the connections to, and knowledge of, the underworld. Super P. is imaginative and resourceful. He's the one they need in order to obtain certain dangerous substances and/or security combinations, and they need him to figure out creative ways to get around the unexpected problems that pop up. He's a true visionary with his feet firmly on the ground. Super P.'s a little shady, but he isn't mean and he would never hurt you. Now, folks that try to harm you, well, I can't speak to that. No, I can; he will definitely hurt them.

Super P. knows that there is nothing like having a good blaster at your side and there is no one better when it comes to bullseying womp rats. He'll give you the dirty books and he'll be the one to show you how to throw a punch. Try not to loan him money unless you don't care about getting it back. Of course, if you really want it back, he'll probably help you get it back. At the track. You are probably gonna have to bail him out of jail at least once, fair warning.

When you need to learn to slow dance, ask Super P. When you need to make a present, ask Super P. When you need to set a fire to collect the insurance, ask Super P. (I am totally kidding here.....I hope.) Super Preschooler should be your point of reference for any and all questions that you are too scared to ask anyone else.

And then, sometimes, the questions don't matter at all; 
it is all a matter of the journey. 
And that is why you have a sister. 

When I asked Super Toddler what you needed to know for the future, she left and went to get a cheese stick. She's right you know. She is right about most things. Super T. has a lust for life unseen since Falstaff walked the earth. She tried to drag you out of the chair when I took your picture with her, saying there was a cool bug to see over by the window. Super T. is strong and fearless and completely in love with life. She isn't aware that coolness is a thing because, in her mind, the whole wide world is a fascinating place to be embraced. All of it.

In our heist, she is a munitions expert, skilled in numerous forms of hand-to-hand combat, and the one that actually climbs down through the ventilation system to pull off the heist itself. Her like has not been seen before, outside of Catwoman and the Mata Hari. Super T. is unpredictable and whimsical, but never underestimate her. The girl is a force of nature and not always a nice gentle rainstorm either. She can pull a tsunami out of her back pocket when provoked.

Super T. might just be working for the Empire; no one is quite sure. She'll most likely be the one to teach you other languages or at least how to swear in them. Super T. will probably be working for the CIA or she might be freelancing as a private eye, but know this, she'll teach you how to avoid bullies altogether or how to get them in trouble with just a smile and a few skillful negotiations. She'll always be generous with a bucket of money that no one will know the origin of. Super T. will never land in jail, no matter how many rules she breaks; she's like a ghost.

When you need to learn to dance like no one is watching, ask Super T. When you need to live in the present, ask Super T. When you need to set the world on fire, ask Super T. Super Toddler should be your point of reference. Full stop.

I love you. I love you so much that I have given you three other people to help pave your way in the world. Stick close to them and you will be fine. They have a way of bringing out the best in people, and I have a strong feeling that your best is a glow to rival the lights of Paris. Go shine, my love.

I Love You,
Awkward Mom

People might underestimate them,
but that is often just part of their plan. 


  1. Love this and love the heist team that inspired it!

  2. I can't believe he's already 2 months old! Where did the time go (well, i don't know if it's the same for you... :) But sounds like he's the sweetest baby!)

    1. Oh yes, the time certainly does fly. I can't believe the past 2 months; he is a very very sweet baby indeed. They keep getting sweeter, which is super nice for me. :)