Thursday, March 26, 2015

Awkward Mom vs. the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

In no real order, the reasons that today is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day:

1. I have bronchitis. I have had bronchitis for a week. I am tired of being sick.

2. I spoke to no adults today. I am lonely and bored and am starting to pay attention to the damaging voices in my head that tell me I am worthless because I don't have a job and contribute to society. I'm not sure how damaging they are, I am starting to think they are just right. Unpleasant, but right.

3. The baby won't stop crying. And won't nap. And won't eat. And won't do anything but cry.

4. Awkward Dad isn't picking up his phone and it is going to voice mail. And voice mail is full.

5. It's rainy and cold. Again.

6. The news is depressing. Again.

7. The children are fighting. Again.

8. I keep thinking this list will somehow get funny, but it doesn't. And I don't think it is going to.

9. I think I am over blogging. I like writing, but blogging is starting to feel like the sound of one hand clapping. It used to feel useful. Like a connection or a release. Now, it merely feels like a popularity contest that I am losing. I mean, what else can I say in one of the most saturated online communities there is? Parenting is hard? Moms do crazy things? Why can't we all just get along? If I am not singing this in a slick and viral parody of Uptown Funk then I doubt anyone is going to be interested. Was that harsh? Maybe. I don't really care to temper my temper today.

10. And that's OK. No. No, it's not OK. I'm not OK.  Why even write this? I mean, it isn't funny. It isn't normal. It's isn't even awkward. It's sad and pathetic and just no good. I suppose that's the point, right? Online everything is filtered and sanitized and edited and lit in just the right way to produce whatever effect you are going for, and mostly you are going for "look at my fabulous life!" I don't have fabulous today. I'm not exactly sure I ever have fabulous. And I think all I can muster today is "Look!" That's it. Just look. Why I want you to look at this is up for debate. It isn't a pretty meltdown and it isn't an interesting meltdown. No screaming or ranting or throwing things. I'm kinda melting down slowly and sadly into a puddle here in the middle of the internet, and the internet is gonna blow right past because that is what it does. It moves fast and frantic and onto the next thing. That's fine. But I'm just gonna sit here because I am tired. And not having a particularly good day. Maybe you could sit with me? We can watch the internet rush past and just be unfiltered and unsanitized and unedited for awhile. No pressure, but maybe you are tired too. Tired, having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and just want it to be OK that it's not OK. You know what? It's OK that it's not OK.

I get it, Sad Elephant. 
I totally get it. 

14 comments:

  1. I would love to sit with you and watch the Internet rush past. In fact, I kind of AM sitting with you, long-distance! (After all, I'm on the couch!)
    Sending you good-day vibes! I hope you feel better really soon!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kim! Meltdown puddles were totally meant to be shared.

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  2. *hugs* I'm sorry things are rough. Me too.

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    Replies
    1. hugs right back! it sucks when things suck.

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  3. *hugs* I'm sorry things are rough. Me too.

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    1. double hugs! I love it! Thanks!

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  4. Erin, I love your writing. Whatever format you choose to use will have up or downsides. Whether you 'blog' or not, please keep writing and sharing your writing. You have a strong and unique voice (yes, even in the saturated parenting blogging/journalism world, it is unique) and you capture wisdom and insight and humor. that voice in your head is not the voice of truth. push back. it's okay to melt down and ask for help, it is all 1000s of kinds of okay, but it's not okay to believe lies about yourself...if someone said your friend was worthless - for any reason - you would defend that friend to the death. so i'm defending you against that dragon-y, lying voice: you have so much worth, just as you are. you have so much that you give, every day already. I'll sit here with you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Thank you for sitting with me in my pity puddle and for not judging me. You are wonderful!

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  5. You ARE fabulous. So is your writing. I read an unhealthy number of blogs and I promise no one comes close to your humor, your insightfulness, your honesty, your compassion, or your endearing irreverence. It's a gift that God has given you, and by sharing your gift you share God. I'm so glad we are friends.

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  6. You ARE fabulous. So is your writing. I read an unhealthy number of blogs and I promise no one comes close to your humor, your insightfulness, your honesty, your compassion, or your endearing irreverence. It's a gift that God has given you, and by sharing your gift you share God. I'm so glad we are friends.

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  7. Hi Erin,

    I'm reaching out to you on behalf of a client to see if you'd be interested in doing a joint project with them.

    We'd like to host a competition in your website to give your readers a chance to win flower bouquets for Mother's day which we are giving away as a prize. Mother's day is just around the corner so we'd love to get something up and running real soon :)

    Is this something you are open to and have you done a similar promo like this before?


    Cheers,
    Jeff
    jeffrey.barroga@dgm-au.com

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