Friday, May 24, 2013

Awkward Mom vs. Expectations

The Ghosts of Thronton Hall have been vanquished! (Super Preschooler is showing early gamer prowess and insisted that we gather all the easter eggs and win all the mini-games on the first pass.) Awkward Mom's personal writing-block ghosts are a little harder to defeat, but she has made slight progress. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know. 

Lovely children of ours-

Let's talk about expectations. You know that your father and I have numerous expectations for you that you are more or less successful at meeting. Fingers out of noses needs a little work, but we will get there. You guys have some expectations of us; food, shelter, access to Netflix. For the sake of being complete, here is a list of house expectations. Some are for you. Some are for us. But they are all here; now you can't say we never told you. Forewarned is forearmed, you know.

1. Santa brings each of you 3 Christmas gifts a year; if it was good enough for baby Jesus, it is good enough for you. (because your father is a giant softie, anything he can stuff in your stocking doesn't count toward the 3 limit)

2. Speaking of gift giving holidays, ours are Christmas and your birthday. I don't know who started this rumor that gifts were to be given on Easter, Halloween, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, or what have you, but that person doesn't live in this house. Of course, seasonal treats will be present on all the aforementioned holidays (and many others), but as to honest to goodness gifts, expect them twice a year.

3. Regarding items 1 and 2, your grandparents will totally disregard these rules, and your father and I will not interfere in that, unless the gift given is dangerous or we want it for ourselves.

4. You will not be getting a car on your 16th birthday or upon your graduation from anything. You will have access to an automobile once you are able to drive, don't worry. And as a bonus, this access comes with an on-board driving instructor/moderator. Aren't you lucky?

5. You will be getting assistance with college tuition. Just keep reminding me to set up those college accounts because I keep forgetting. Thanks!

6. We don't lie in this family. Lying about something makes it about 20 times worse. However horrible it is, we will figure it out.

7. You will be the children who write thank you notes to anyone who gives them anything. (Colds and dirty looks excepted) And yes, they will be old fashioned ones that go through the mail with an actual stamp. If you can't write yet, draw a nice picture and tell me what you want written next to it. That counts.

8. You will also be the dorky children who know the following things:
a.) who Agatha Christie is
b.) what the Ring cycle is
c.) how that is different from the Fellowship of the Ring
d.) basic cords on a guitar
e.) how to spell Sauron, Lando Calrissian, Genosha, and radioactive spider
f.) the difference between their, there, and they're
g.) the proper way to bag and board a comic book
h.) how to read a real paper map
i.) how to sew on a button, hem pants, and patch your jeans (unless you like them with holes, we aren't gonna squelch your sartorial freedom)
j.) that sentinals are to be avoided, along with anyone who urges you to embrace the dark side of the force
k.) that Star Wars, and the host of amazing sci-fi that it inspired, owes a debt to the works of Edgar Rice Burroughs, as well as the serials of the 30s and 40s
l.) most of the Greek myths, a good handful of saints, and every fairy tale the Grimm brothers wrote
m.) A million other nerdtastic and fascinating knowledge nuggets gathered by parents who really think the world, and all its subgroups, are super cool. What you do with this knowledge is totally up to you. You probably won't appreciate your odd bank of factoids until later, but believe me, they will totally come in handy if you get invited to a LARP or fall for someone slightly geeky or major in English.

9. We will fall in love with you completely the day you are born and somehow fall more in love with you every single day you exist. And forever after that.

10. You will never be expected to eat liver or lima beans. If you want them, that's cool, and I won't even make you share them with me. Your Dad might want a taste though.

11. We have no expectations about your future boyfriends/girlfriends. We don't care who you love and marry; gender, race, political affiliation, employment, whatever. (We also don't care if you chose not to marry anyone.) We will accept whoever you love and love them like another child of ours. Unless they treat you bad. If he/she treats you bad, expect the wrath of the furies to descend on his/her head. Then we will expect something. We will expect them to leave. Immediately.

12. We also have no expectations regarding your future employment. We would like it if you had employment or were actively trying to gain employment, but the field of this employment is completely up to you.

13. We expect each of you to be a good person. Not a perfect person, but a good person. You are not the center of the universe. You are one of 7 billion people on this planet, so make sure to share, show a little interest in others, and don't litter.

14. We will try to be good people as well. Not perfect people, but good people. You are not clones of us, you are your own independent people, with interests and skills that your father and I might not understand or fully appreciate. We don't always remember this because we aren't perfect. But we are trying to be good; be patient, we'll get there.

15. There are no girl-games and boy-games in this house. No baby games and big-kid games. Inclusion is the only name of the game around here. Within that, you do whatever floats your boat. Your father and I will not control your play, except to point out that you look freaking adorable and we need about 26 more pictures of you wearing that feather.

Hope this list clears some stuff up. The really important one is number 9. The rest we will try out and see how it flies in real time. Just remember that we love you!

Awkward Dad and Awkward Mom

Speaking of expectations, ours are running high this weekend because Awkward Grandma is heading into town! Back with tales a' plenty; same awkward time, same awkward channel. 


  1. Love it! I feel like we should draft one of these for our house, too. Kind of a mission statement. :)

    1. A family mission statement! I never thought of it that way, but that is perfect!

  2. oooh, I only know about half the things in number 8. I better make a list of those sorts of things for my house.
    - Catherine P

    1. Gotta pass on the nerd stuff.... :)

  3. Love it! Especially #9.

    I love the idea of limiting Christmas gifts to 3! I think we naturally did this anyway, but it's great to have a solid number. However, our in-laws are absolutely out of control, so I don't know if it will make any difference. :)

    1. Oh yes, grandparents won't listen at all. I just like to reduce what I can control, which is actually quite a little. :)