Monday, February 17, 2014

Awkward Mom vs. Still Pregnant

Yes, she is still pregnant. And yes, there is still room in the betting pool; just give Awkward Dad a shout. He has claimed "sometime in April 2015," but a lot of other spots are still free!

I have reached "still pregnant;" that horrible phase in the roughly 24th month of pregnancy when everything is done but the birthing. And the birthing can be any minute to 4 weeks away. I know I am supposed to be grateful and I am. I am grateful Super Fetus is happy and healthy. I am grateful he/she wasn't pre-term. I am grateful that I am healthy. (we'll talk about happy in a minute....) I am grateful to be having a fourth child at some point in the near (maybe far) future. I am so very grateful, but I am getting tired and this is getting endless.

Time sits heavy on me, much like this baby sits on my spine. All the tiny clothes are washed. All the doll-like diapers lined up in a little row. Car seat? Installed, rear-facing, and prepped with a blue cover and a pink one. Totally prepared. The baby swing is even up from the basement and clean, but if this baby doesn't hurry up, it may break. The Supers think it is a great toy.

I have reached the point where every conversation I have with someone begins with, "Oh, you are still pregnant?" and ends with "Well, just be patient and enjoy it, it could be any day!" I am unclear which part I am supposed to enjoy. The mood roller-coaster? The restlessness? The random pains in my legs? The sleeplessness? The near constant pain in my back? The constant and pointless Braxton Hicks contractions? Yes, yes, I know they are "practice contractions" and really very important to labor......This is child 4. If my body doesn't know how to do labor by now, then I don't even want to talk to her. Maybe I am supposed to enjoy the birthing story the departing person just told me; where their baby arrived 2 weeks early in a cloud of angel dust and no pain. I guess that is what I am supposed to have enjoyed. So, basically, I am trying to avoid all people right now.

Which I can't do because I have 3 other children who don't want to sit in the house with me and mope. I have no idea why they don't want to do this. They actually want to keep doing things. They want to stay busy and not fixated on every twinge and tweak my body experiences. They don't want to scour the internet for labor-inducing ideas that seem about as accurate as how they used to decide who was a witch. They don't want to restlessly move through the house and sigh a lot. They are not helping me dwell on my pain and disappointment. They want to live in the moment and enjoy every second of the day, regardless of what it brings; a new sibling or just more beautiful, exquisite life to be lived.

Darn genius children.

So, take your time, Super Fetus. Come when you are ready.
That said, you may wanna get out here and claim your swing. 
I found 4 My Little Ponies in it yesterday
and you know what kind of mess they make. 

Dearest Readers, if you see Awkward Mom out and about, looking in pain but not enough pain to go to the hospital, please don't tell her a birth story or offer the advice of "patience." That is unless you want to see her shift from "Still Pregnant" into "Angry Pregnant." 

Offers of food are always welcome though!  


  1. My second pregnancy was a nightmare, and I don't miss it...I feel for you, girl. But he baby will arrive, soon. Sooner even than April of this year :) Hang in there!!

  2. I would have wanted to kick anyone who told me to "be patient and enjoy it" when waiting for Audrey. People are so clueless!

    I'm sending you labor-y thoughts, and I hope you have a smooth, easy and fast labor - and that it starts tonight! Come on, Super Fetus, your mama wants to hold you!