Awkward Mom vs. Church with 5 children

We've lost track of what number battle this is. We stopped keeping track around the Children's Crusade. 

Stuff going to church with 5 children makes me say:

1. Stop asking me how many more songs.
2. Shush! Fine, 6 more songs.
3. No, your doll can not receive communion. Because she isn't real. Oh, please stop crying. OK, I'm sorry; your doll is totally real, but she still can't receive communion. Because she hasn't finished second grade.
4. 5 more songs.
5. What? Why do you need a bandaid? Tell him to stop messing with the kneeler.
6. Stop picking your nose.
7. Stop breathing like that.
8. Stop talking about pancakes.
9. Stop messing with my purse.
10. Just stop!
11. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that her spit-up could reach that far.
12. 4 more songs.
13. We give, it's just that I have the donation come directly out of our checking account. Stop worrying about it! Don't put that in there! The church doesn't need your drawing of a tank.
14. Well, if you weren't messing with the kneeler, it wouldn't have fallen on your feet, now would it?
15. Transubstantiation. What? No, that doesn't mean vampires! I don't care what Invisible Grandpa says! No, I can't spell it. Ask your teacher.
16. 3 more songs.
17.What?! No, there are no ghosts in the choir loft, who told you that? Super First Grader, stop freaking out your sister! They aren't ghosts, you just can't see them from here. I don't care what Invisible Grandpa says. I thought I told you not to bring him to church anyway. Because imaginary friends are only allowed if they behave and he never behaves!
18. Stop pinching her.
19. Could you please just pray?
20. In your head, please.
21. Yes, Super Baby looks like Baby Jesus. Fine, yes, baby Jesus was less white. Because people paint people that look like them so they can relate. And, well, racism was involved. Could we talk about this later?
22. Stop messing with that kneeler!
23. Because I want to hold your hand, not your doll's. OK, fine, give me her hand.
24. Not everyone wants a kiss at the Sign of Peace.
25. 2 more songs.
26. Because he is older than you and he's already made his first communion. No, that's not it. Don't cry. Jesus doesn't love him more. He might like his behavior a little more.....
27. Well, don't do it again. Because your Num-Nom doesn't need an extra blessing, that's why.
28. Stop pushing him.
29. Stop pushing her.
30. Stop messing with the kneeler!
31. Alleluia, it's the last song.

Joyous Advent, Friends!