Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Awkward Mom vs. the Road Trip - preface

So, the Awkward Family just took a 6 day road trip. It should come as a surprise to no one that this was done awkwardly; involving 4 states, a ridiculous amount of baby wipes, 7 extended family members, 3 horses, 3 different houses and 1 hotel, 81 listens to C is for Cookie, 2 5-week-old-kittens, 1 romantic dinner out, 4 happy meals, and about 14000 fruit snacks. But before we get to all that, we have to leave the house.....

I have about 46 items (not including children) to remember to pack before leaving the house on a normal day and I regularly forget about 7 of them (not too often including children). Can you imagine the hoard of thoughts and items swirling around right before leaving for 6 whole days? Here is what this particular cacophony of chaos sounds like at our place:

What is on your face? Who lives in a pineapple under the sea! Someone pack the Tylenol, please. Did you stop the paper? No, you can not bring 65 stuffed animals. Anyone know what the weather is like in Illinois? I'm the fairy godmother! Ouch! Whose legos are these? SpongeBob, SquarePants! Where are my keys? Not now! Did you write the check for the catsitter? Poof! 14 onesies ought to be enough. Stay away from that wire! Maybe. Where is the checkbook? No, you can't have any. The wheels on the bus go round and round! Are those feathers? Someone shut the curtains. Poof; you're a frog! No, that is our old catsitter. I think 3 wands is plenty. Where are my keys? Where is my suitcase? Honey, Daddy will sing with you. Pick two. What is on your face now?! Only two. Get away from that outlet! Please go brush your teeth. When exactly do you think you are going to have time to read all those books? Who is calling us now? Only 3 dinosaurs. It should fit. Mommy's the evil witch. You can watch Toy Story at Grandma's. No, I am fairly sure she isn't going to take it if the name is wrong, please rewrite it. Poof! I already packed it. No, not now. Don't forget the pack and play. Not the open one. Where are my keys? Mommy can't think right now. Sweetie, stop packing the cats; they don't like it. Someone hand me a trash bag. Are you sure it is just a cold? 17, I think. Who threw up under the bed? Stop poofing your brother! The small one. Well, it doesn't set a very good example if we tell him that he can only bring 5 and you have 14 yourself. Ouch! Seriously, legos? Right now? Please turn the music off! I'm a princess! Where are my keys? Leave it on the table. I think the sweat-top is fine for the car. Don't forget to leave a light on. Why is this sticky? Just leave the stroller, there's no room. Did you take out the garbage? How many socks do you own? No, it is the 10th. Are you sure we have everything? Deep breaths, honey. Did you bring me one? How do you lock this? Poof! Where are my keys? How would I know how old she is? How does he sleep though this? Shoes! Are you serious? Where is the map? Poof! You're a prince now. Did you call her? Thank you, honey. What time is it there? I just know I am forgetting something. Because princesses have to wear seat belts, that is why. No, I think it will be ok. C is for Cookie! Where are my keys? Did you lock the door? Where is the baby?!

Oh, readers; we are in for a ride. Tune in next time, when we drive to Central Illinois; dealing with time changes, road construction, and the first of numerous fruit snacks. Bon voyage!

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