Friday, March 25, 2011

Awkward Mom vs. Naps

I suppose it should come as no surprise that the Awkward Family naps awkwardly...

So, it is 3:30pm, and I am trying to get the Super Boys to nap. I understand that most of your children are waking up from naps about now and that 3:30 is terribly late for a normal nap. I guess, we aren't exactly big on normal around here. The thing is we used to be. Normal that is. Well, semi-normal. Well, OK, not really, but their naps were earlier in the day once. This was when we lived in Illinois. For some reason, our move to Ann Arbor last summer altered sleep patterns for the Super Boys, and we have yet to recover. I think this is a two-fold issue; a Villain Duo, if you will.

You see, the Awkward Family has always lived in the Central Time Zone, but now we live in the Eastern Time Zone. No biggie, right? 1 little hour shouldn't be an issue for superheros like us, right? Well....turns out Eastern Time Zone (or the evil Dr. East Zone, as I like to call him) is a biggie and an issue. We still seem to operate on Central Time internally, regardless of what clocks, alarms, and 11:00pm news tell us. Can't shake it, folks.

Turns out evil Dr. Zone has a colleague in evilness, time confusion, and nap prevention. The nefarious West-Facing Windows! Our apartment faces west. Not southwest, northwest, north by northwest, or sorta west. Our windows (all our windows) face due west. West. We get absolutely no sun in the morning. We get all the sun in the afternoon. About sunset, I start to think the living room is on fire. Even the Super Cats won't lounge in the sun beams around here; they are that intense. Baron von West Windows is quite the sleep nemesis. Pair him with Dr. East Zone, and they are an unstoppable force of insomniac powers.

Anywho, all of this mischief caused by East and West (see what I did there? Word-play superpowers? Check!) has the effect of extremely late hours for the Super Boys. They wake around 8am (I can feel the envy laser beams from here!), but they nap (if they nap) around 3, to wake around 5-6, and then they see no reason why they can't go to bed at 10pm. Which isn't to say that it hasn't been later...on occasion...sometimes...ok, just don't call DCFS, please.

This doesn't even get into the fact the Super Baby enjoys a late night snack around 1am, which I suppose really makes it a early morning snack. But I think that has more to do with Super Baby's vampiric tendencies. Really, I mean it. Check him out: pale, voracious apatite, tendency to bite while snuggling into necks. Seriously, I am gonna try to get him on True Blood.

So, anyway, for a little less than a year, I have dealt with 3:30pm naps. And lately, they have been fighting them all together! Seems the Super Boys have decided that they don't need naps. At all. Do you have any idea how this affects playdates? Meal times? My ability to go to the bathroom in peace? It is madness. So, here is what I do: I lock them in their room. OK, now, judge if you need too, I am fine with that. I mean, get it on out, it's cool. Here's how I see it: There is nothing in there that can hurt them and I certainly listen for the "oh-no-I-have-really-hurt-myself-and-I-am-not-just-screaming-to-annoy-you-because-you-locked-me-in-here cry." I always unlock and open the door once they are sleeping. Well, look, we all know that I am not winning mother of year away. It works. Or, well, most of the time.

Sometimes naps happen, but usually, once the screaming stops and I start to wonder if the Baba Yaga came in the window and stole them or they found a magic portal to another world in the back of the closet, I peek in there. I typically find Super Baby asleep (vampires do like to sleep during the day, you know), and Super Toddler doing this:

In case you are curious, his bed currently contains 16 stuffed animals, the book he is "reading,"3 wands, and 2 pillows. Plus, a blanket covering 9 more books, 2 princess action figures, a comb, 5 flash cards, a broken crown, and the DVD case for Bambi.

Today is such a day. Sigh. Whatever, at least he is quiet and I got to pee in peace.

So, at dinner, Super Toddler was so tired that he fell asleep in his chicken nuggets. His face right in his ketchup and peas. It was vile and sad and pretty messy. It's OK though; Super Baby still ate them. See you next time on the Adventures of Awkward Mom!


  1. Oh my goodness, Erin. You have made me laugh so so hard this evening. Still laughing! And will probably be giggling as I try to go to bed so I can wake up and drive to Troy in the morning. :)

    Your wit and comic prowess are divine. I love it.

  2. My child seriously needs to meet your children. They're soooo alike! Boy sleeps...well, we're not sure when. Sometimes he naps, often times he doesn't and yet STILL manages to stay up until 11pm. My saving grace was that he'd sleep til 8 or 9 only this week--while his father is away and I'm alone no less-- he's only slept til 7am. Zombie Mother took over this operation midway through the week!

    Hang in there and know that kids going to bed so late is perfectly normal! At least in this house.

  3. Too funny, but take comfort in the fact that this is a problem that has plagued moms for ages! Joey never napped - my Mom says that the only thing that saved his life was that he'd sleep from 6pm to 6am until the age of 4. I wasn't allowed to nap after I turned 3 because if I got any sleep, even 15 minutes, I'd be up until the wee hours. Mom actually forbade me from sleeping during naptime in kindergarten & I remember feeling really bad the 3 times I did actually fall asleep! Oh, and remember Miss Miller wouldn't let us wake Sheena up even though she would sleep until school was over? Marissa's parents let her nap around dinner time. Rory ddin't have a nap so much as he had "quiet time" during which he read - maybe that's what SuperToddler is doing on his own :)

    Judge yourself not, Awkward Mom. If you found a way to go to the bathroom in peace, and no one's bleeding, you're alright!

  4. Thanks Anna! It is refreshing to know that even though we all had our unique nap patterns, we all turned out just fine. OK, well, that doesn't explain Rory, does it? Kidding! :)

    You are right, if no one is bleeding and I am peeing without an audience, it is a good day here. Thanks for the wisdom! :)