Awkward Mom has many super powers; acute eavesdropping, level 10 gossiping ability, and a tendency to judge moms who wear makeup to the park are just a smattering of her many gifts.
In my pursuit of healthy outdoor activities for my children, I sometimes listen in on the Perfect Moms. It passes the time.
"I was rather disappointed with the marathon aspect of the Disneyland trip."
"You have injured Joyful's spirit, please make amends."
"I just feel that her use of formula is tantamount to child abuse."
"I am sure there is an app for that."
"Not that I am judging, but she is a terrible mother."
"Well, you have to saute the Chard first. Duh."
"I wouldn't dream of owning a television, can you imagine what it does to their focus?"
In my pursuit of healthy outdoor activities for my children, I sometimes listen in on the Perfect Moms. It passes the time.
"I was rather disappointed with the marathon aspect of the Disneyland trip."
"You have injured Joyful's spirit, please make amends."
"I just feel that her use of formula is tantamount to child abuse."
"I am sure there is an app for that."
"Not that I am judging, but she is a terrible mother."
"Well, you have to saute the Chard first. Duh."
"I wouldn't dream of owning a television, can you imagine what it does to their focus?"
(this woman's son was using her iphone at the time.)
"Oh, I was much bigger at 8 months. Have you talked to your midwife?"
"Sugar is really just poison, everyone knows that."
"I mean, you are doing your kegels, right?"
"If I don't run at least 10 miles, I feel like such a blob."
"We just swapped the letters; that way hers is unique."
"Oh, Brooke potty trained herself, but I hear that can be a problem for boys."
"Oh no, thank you, sweetie, but we don't share food."
"Oh, I was much bigger at 8 months. Have you talked to your midwife?"
"Sugar is really just poison, everyone knows that."
"I mean, you are doing your kegels, right?"
"If I don't run at least 10 miles, I feel like such a blob."
"We just swapped the letters; that way hers is unique."
"Oh, Brooke potty trained herself, but I hear that can be a problem for boys."
"Oh no, thank you, sweetie, but we don't share food."
(This was after Super Toddler tried to share a Cheez-it with another little boy. His mom threw it away. Super Toddler gave him another one while her back was turned.)
"Oh, I would just be naked without it."
"Well, Dr. Oz says so."
"Have you fully grieved your C-section yet?"
"We started his violin lessons late, around age 4. But I think he is ready for piano now too."
"Hey, I think that awkward looking mom over there is listening in!
"Oh, I would just be naked without it."
"Well, Dr. Oz says so."
"Have you fully grieved your C-section yet?"
"We started his violin lessons late, around age 4. But I think he is ready for piano now too."
"Hey, I think that awkward looking mom over there is listening in!
What a weirdo. Oh, and did you see her shirt? Yikes."
Despite the presence of about 600 Perfect Moms (seriously, it was like a convention of perfection), Excellent Mom and I enjoyed our park playdate. We were great moms today, ensuring that the kids were outside, experiencing the splendor of nature.
Despite the presence of about 600 Perfect Moms (seriously, it was like a convention of perfection), Excellent Mom and I enjoyed our park playdate. We were great moms today, ensuring that the kids were outside, experiencing the splendor of nature.
While eating Cheez-its.
Whatever. Judge if you want to, you know that I do!
Who goes to Disneyland and runs a marathon? Is this a thing?
Who goes to Disneyland and runs a marathon? Is this a thing?
We aren't starting any lessons late around here!
HAHA! Those are some choice tidbits. I don't know which I dislike more, Dr. Oz or kegels.
ReplyDeleteYes, there IS a Disneyland marathon! A half-marathon, anyway. Like that makes it better. I have a pair of insane friends who ran it. (Insane for the running part - the Disneyland part is great.)
I'm trying to think of what might motivate me to run through Disneyland. Maybe if I was in Toontown and I heard they were giving away free caramel apples on Main Street? Or that there was some sort of meltdown at the Bengal Barbeque and they had to quickly give away all their delicious kebabs before they spoiled? Yeah, I'd probably run for those things. For anything else, forget it! :)
Those things just might motivate me to run too....Or maybe I would tell awkward dad, "hey, I'll watch the kids, you run on ahead."
DeleteI oftend wonder what people think of the things they overhear me say..... :)
I might have to save this post for a good laugh again some day...I'm even a former runner and never got the Disney marathon concept...why do that to yourself on vacation? I can just see myself walking backwards through Disney because that feels better than forward the day after one...AWKWARD for sure.
ReplyDeleteI feel so out of the loop! Didn't know this was a thing.
DeleteTalk about awkward; your comment published twice so I was messing around to see why and I deleted one of them! Now it looks like you said something I felt the need to hide, opps! Sorry folks, Julie does not have a potty mouth, really, she is super nice! :)
LOL curious what I "said" ...must have been bad! Thanks for covering for me:)
ReplyDelete