Dear This Sunday's Pew-mates-
Let's review, shall we? First of all, you unceremoniously shoved my child further into the pew to accommodate yourselves. Startling, but I suppose understandable. You were late and in a hurry, after all. Then, during the readings, you engaged in a barely whispered conversation, that I could totally hear, about the inappropriateness of my son's Star Wars sticker book as "church reading material." You may be right, but I doubt you heard any of the actual readings in your ire. Then, you acted put out when my 5-year-old had to squeeze by you to take up a can of food. Yeah, I suppose that was annoying. Having to move a few inches so a child could give some food to the hungry. Guess your huffs and puffs were warranted there. Then, when he got lost on his way back and couldn't find me, you declared, "Oh goodness, he is probably going to cry now." Don't really understand why the potential tears of children made you roll your eyes. But that eye roll was nothing compared to the one I received when I had to haul my pregnant self past you to go fetch him. Yes, I am huge. I get it. After sighing at us upon our return and your repeated glares at his Star Wars book, I am surprised that he wanted to hold your hand during the Our Father at all. I certainly wouldn't have. After this kind and forgiving gesture on his part, there was no need to wipe your hand on your pants the second the prayer is over. Yes, I know he is sticky. He is 5. Couldn't you be sightly sneaky with your wiping? And finally, after all that, you have the nerve to turn to me after church and say "Well, I guess someone just doesn't know how to act in church yet." You go ahead and interpret my "Yes, some of us are still learning" any old way you please, but know this; I was not talking about my 5-year-old son.
PS Next time, perhaps not sitting next to small children might ensure you have a more positive church experience. Or maybe actually listening to the readings, especially if they have anything to do with tolerance and patience. Just a thought.