Thursday, July 5, 2012

Awkward Mom vs. Pandora

Awkward Mom likes musical theater. I swear, I am not making this up. She really is that awkward.

Dear Pandora-

I want to thank you for being such a great service. I love that I can stream music, for free, in any style and type I choose. I love that you play on my brand new Grace Digital Audio Victoria; it totally classes up my kitchen. Here is a picture of it:

Classy, right? I love that it has a remote with thumbs up and thumbs down button. I would love it more if I could find the remote, but the thought was nice.

Basically, Pandora, you are the bee's knees; love ya. I especially love my Musical Theater Channel. However, that is what I am writing to you about today. Just as bees have stingers as well as knees, your Musical Theater channel has some hits and some misses. I was wondering if you could please address a few of your misses/stingers for me. I shall list them for the ease of your perusal.

1. Glee is not musical theater. Sorry, it just isn't.

2. I adore Wicked and Phantom of the Opera, but there are other musicals deserving of radio play. Plus, Music of the Night can get a little screechy by listen 14. Hate me all you want, you know it is true.

3. Les Miserables has other songs besides On my Own and I Dreamed a Dream.

4. I have soften my stance on you playing Disney on the showtunes channel. They do have their own channel, but if you want to cross over, that is OK. That said, please make sure that the song was actually in the movie and sung by the characters within the confines of the plot. Some poppy thing that played over the credits does not count. I don't care if it was Miley Cyrus; still doesn't count.

5. You are pushing it with Jersey Boys.

6. Loving the Sound of Music; keep it coming.

7. Ditto with the Hairspray.

8. Did you guys anger Andrew Lloyd Webber or something? Well, send some flowers, candy, whatever. Make it right. You are missing like half the catalogue of musical theater over here. I get that you like Phantom, but really, there is more.

9. Ditto with Stephen Sondheim.

10. Super Preschooler would like to request that, once an hour, you "play the song that makes Mommy stop everything and dance with us in the kitchen. Because she looks pretty when she is happy and I like it when she throws us up in the air." (He is talking about Mamma Mia.)

If you could consider these points, I would forever be grateful. This is me asking nicely. Please take action before I am forced to remind you that I have a B.F.A. and I am not afraid to use it for the forces of evil. (i.e. Requesting that you play more Chicago, Cabaret, and Cats.) Heed me and we'll all get along just fine.

Love ya!
Awkward Mom

PS I wouldn't hate it if you played Little Shop of Horrors once in awhile...just saying. I have my reasons.

What is that? Yes, we are pretty sure that bees have knees. Join us here next time, Readers; where the soundtrack is always earnest, belted to the rafters, and just slightly awkward.


  1. Ah, Pandora. I too have a mostly-love/slightly-hate relationship with it. It's just that there are so many versions of the same song on the Toddler Station, and Pandora tends to play them back-to-back-to-back. There are only so many times one can hear "The Wheels on the Bus" before becoming suicidal. And don't get me started on that stupid song about the tree in the hole and the hole in the ground. Once a year would be enough for that one, but no! Jewel decided it would be a great idea to do her own version, and now I hear it several times a day. GAAH! Big thumbs down!
    Btw, what a cool radio that is!!! :)

    1. Isn't it super cool?!

      Yes, the hole in the ground one needs to stay in a hole in the ground somewhere....come Jewel, don't you have a ranch to run or something?