Monday, October 15, 2012

Awkward Mom vs. Bronchitis

And now, a message from our sponsor; Super Baby.

Hi, Readers. Super Baby here. I have been asked to speak to you today, as Mommy is fighting some villain called Bronchitis. So I am thinking, "Oh wow! Finally, we are gonna have something approximating an interesting battle around here." But Super Preschooler informs me that Brontosaurus is spelled with a T. Plus, that villain has a new name anyway, something like Apatosaurus; I don't really know. I love Super P. but he talks all the time, it is kinda easy to tune out. Anywho, it appears that Mommy is fighting something less cool; in fact, all this battle seems to consist of is her taking a ridiculous amount of medication and forlornly wandering around the house, looking for soup. Now, the woman should know that we had the soup last night, as she made it for us, but I guess Bronchitis is a mind-wiping villain.

He also appears to have a reverse Banshee power, as Mommy has completely lost her voice. Well, I shouldn't exaggerate. She hasn't completely lost it. She was able to come up with this sorta strangled cry thing when she found me peacefully eating those cough drops. I mean, if she didn't want to share, that's fine, but she didn't need to snatch it. Jeez, talk about greedy; there were like 25 in there or something.

But mostly, she can't make a peep. She just waves her arms at us, like she is guiding in planes; frantically mouthing things about danger or something. I don't know, I'm not the best lip-reader. Plus, I was rather busy trying to stick some pens I found into those cool slits in the wall. She didn't have to snatch those either; I mean, she is my mom and I love her, but for all her talk of sharing, she isn't that good at it herself.

So, she asked me to write a blog post for her, which doesn't make any sense if you really think about it. I mean, how does her lack of a voice affect her ability to type on the computer? It certainly didn't affect her ability to troll Facebook for nearly an hour this morning, and for about half of that, I was in desperate need of a snack. Heartless, really. But, I thought I would be a team player and write the post today. The woman has been pretty slack; when was the last one anyway? Last Wednesday? Wow, well, of course, you are curious about our happenings.

Let's see....well, we went back to the Reptile Zoo. I think Mommy wants to tell you guys about that later, but I really like the enormous Anaconda. My brothers like the wall of bugs, with the huge Cockroaches and the Black Widow Spiders. But I think they just like that Mommy won't go over there, so they can mess around unseen. Boys. We tried to go to a new church playgroup. Now, she should have known better. It had been a full week, and we all told her that we wanted to hang out at home and watch Netflix, but she gave this whole rah-rah speech about getting out there and fighting the good fight. She was like some stern but lovable army captain from a World War II movie; except the war was a church playgroup and killing Nazis was playing with other kids. You know what, blame Daddy, he has been watching old movies late at night, and that analogy sounded better in my head. Well, needless to say, we weren't too good at killing Nazis, I mean, playing with other children. We tried, but come on, it was Friday and like our 8th playgroup of the week. I don't think the lecture of shame was necessary and I am sure I have seen her more mortified, so that was obvious hyperbole. This weekend, Bacia (Daddy's Mom) was here for a visit. That was fun. She lets us make a total mess and eat sausages for breakfast. Yum! Mommy and Daddy went to the first opera of the MET at the Movies season, and they said it was mostly fun and all. Sadly, they sat in front of a Snorer who was there with a Singer, and they were behind a Shusher. And Mommy had those cough drops with her, which I guess caused some off-screen drama. Man, adults are weird. Oh, and I broke down and called Mommy by her name. She seemed to need it.

Well, that's it. Since this weekend, Mommy has been battling Bronchitis, although I guess she didn't have him identified until her visit to Urgent Care this morning. Daddy isn't feeling too great either, so I am sure he will be the next to enter the fray. My brothers are being their normal abnormal selves. And I am perfect, per usual. So, we are all caught up! Tune in soon, for Mommy's return and her thrilling tales of toddler taming!

P.S. Hey, Readers, don't think that I am horrid, but is it terrible that when Mommy comes over to kiss me, I turn away a little? I am like, Hey there, Typhoid Mary, how about we wait the 24 hour period until your antibiotics kick in before spreading your germs all over my face? I mean, come on. I got a battle of my own with walking going on over here, I don't need any distractions. Anyway, if you guys could pass on that she could express her love in other ways, like offerings of food or maybe a return of that bag of cough drops, I would be ever grateful. Thanks!

Thank you, Super Baby, for that edifying edition of Awkward Mom. We now return you to your normal Facebook trolling of Aunt Edna's 87 pictures of her garden, but just because we like to be of assistance, the picture where you can see her cute neighbor (shirtless!) is around picture 53. Enjoy!

While we appreciate the effort, Super Preschooler, the antibiotics are apt to be more effective.


  1. Oh no! Poor Awkward Mom! I hope you feel better soon!

    1. I am still sick, can you believe it?! This thing is totally hanging around...gross....might have to enlist the other Supers to help with my blog for a bit. :)

  2. Get well! I had that with no voice in August...very miserable. Super Baby did a good job tho!

    1. That girl is such a rock star, isn't she? :)

      You poor thing, this is awful. I can't imagine it in the August heat! Ugh.