Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Awkward Mom vs. Language

"-Uck words! I just love -uck words!" We are still waiting for Red to say this on PBS.

What happened to Super Toddler? Not 6 months ago, his entire vocabulary seemed to consist of cake, more, and now. These days, this little Hemingway has morphed into a veritable James Joyce! (What? I have to use that liberal arts education somewhere.) However, quantity is not always quality, and some words are still kinda hard to make out. Especially the -uck words. I don't know if it is that charming combination of consonants or if I just have a dirty mind, but every -uck word Super Toddler says sounds like the bad -uck word that he isn't supposed to say. The one that no one, with the exception of those currently acting in a Quentin Tarantino movie, is supposed to say. You know the one, and no, I am not going to spell it out for you. If you are reading something on the internet, then I am sure you have encountered this particular word. Today.

Well, the other day, I am sitting here dorking around on Facebook. Wait, I mean, I am cruising Baby Center for potty training tips and Valentine's Day crafting ideas, when I hear Super Baby's someone-is-kidnapping-me scream. I go tearing into the living room to be confronted with this:

Super Baby: AHHHHHHH!!!

Super Preschooler: Rule 3, Super Toddler! Rule 3!

Super Toddler: I don't give F@$%!

Super Preschooler: Mom!

Super Baby: AHHHHHHHH!!!

Super Toddler: No F@$%! No F@#$!

Me: Ummm...what's going on?

Super Toddler: She know that I no give F$@#s. Why she mad when I no give F@%$s?

Super Baby: AHHHHHHHH!!!

Super Preschooler: That is totally against Rule 3, Super Toddler. Mommy, he should be in a time out.

Me: Yes, thank you, Super P. I'll handle this. Super Toddler, what is wrong?

Super Toddler: I no give Super Baby F@$%s. She too young to have F@#$s. My F@$#s.

Super Preschooler: That is so wrong, Super Toddler. We are loving in this family. We are sharers in this family. We are....

Me: Yes, thank you, Super P. I have got this.


Super Toddler: Mommy, I just don't give a F@#$.

Readers, I am dead serious. He said that. I will never forget it because:

1. He totally slowed it down and dramatically paused between each word.

2. Super Toddler absolutely never uses articles in his speech. I suppose that is how important this was to him; that F@#$ warranted an "a" in front of it.

3. Yes, I know that he is really talking about not wanting to share a truck with his sister, but it totally sounds like he is saying that he just doesn't give a "bad -uck word." And it kinda fits, considering that Super Toddler normally looks like this:

He is pretty much the type not to give a -uck.
Cake. More. Now. 

Rule 3? Oh, there are 10 rules in Awkward Manor. Super Preschooler was instrumental in developing them. They are:

1. Always listen to Mommy and Daddy. Be respectful to others. 
2. No kicking, throwing things, or hitting. 
3. Share. 
4. No lions are allowed in the bed.
5. There is no rule 5. 
6. Ducks quack.
7. They also fly. 
8. Don't let monkeys drive your van.
9. Always help clean up. 
10. Dragons are not to be trusted. 


  1. OMG!!! OMG OMG!!!! I don't know which I love more, the story or the list of rules. That list RULES!

    "I don't give a -uck" completely tops all the funny things I've heard Katie say. It even tops the anecdote I heard a teacher tell, about a 4 year old who announced she was having a "Yello Titty" party.


    1. Thanks! It was really funny that I had to share! But a "Yello Titty" party sounds pretty funny too.

      Yes, Super P.'s list is pretty amazing. and very him.

  2. you rules RULE! and Super Toddler looks really cute.. and adorable.. :)

    1. Thanks, KC! I will have to pop over and check out your blog. I am always looking for finance tips. Well, I am always looking for more finance in general, but tips are good too! :)

  3. Oh,kids!! :) I love your list of rules!

    1. Thanks! That is all him, I may have suggested 1-3..... :)

  4. Yes - the list of rules should govern in most homes inhabited by preschoolers and toddlers.

    1. Thanks! I thought the monkey advice was pretty sound. :)