Awkward Mom vs. Gender

Can I just get one that is sugar and puppy-dog tails? 

I know a lot about Super Fetus. I know that Super Fetus loves sandwiches, well, really carbs of any kind. Except those in Alfredo sauce; I think Super Fetus is cool with the pasta, but the Alfredo sauce got sent right back to the kitchen. Literally. I didn't make it to the bathroom that time. I know that opera makes Super Fetus excited, not sure yet if this is from extreme love or extreme hate. I know that Super Fetus likes to sleep through the evening chaos and doesn't bother to wake, even when the rest of the Supers are throwing massive, mega fits. This bodes well for Super Fetus. I know that car rides make Super Fetus kick me in the ribs and that sitting down at the computer makes Super Fetus poke my bladder. By the way, be right back. OK, back. Where was I? Ah, yes. I know much about Super Fetus, including that I adore Super Fetus so much that it hurts. But what I don't know is whether Super Fetus is a he or a she.

It is a little thing. What does it affect, really? Name choice and which potty training booster seat I should take better care of, the one with the penis shield or the one without. That's really it. During my first 3 pregnancies, I didn't give gender much thought. Awkward Dad and I are strict opening-your-presents-on-Christmas-morning people, so finding out the gender was never really important. It seemed more fun to wait, and the waiting wasn't really a big deal. Names were selected for either option; there are only 2 after all. It isn't too much work to pick 2. Then, we wait. Most everyone we know finds it a fun game to play; guessing if we are having a boy or a girl. Either that or they loath us for making them wait, which makes it extra fun for us. They shouldn't be so impatient or hung up on gender in the first place, right? And for 3 pregnancies, it has been just a little thing about the Awkward Family. "Oh, they are weird; they never find out what they are having." And it has been because we don't care. As long as Super Fetus is healthy, I don't care if it is a boy or a girl. 

Except, this time, I think I do. I think I do care. Readers, I think I want a girl. 

This, of course, means that I am totally convinced that I am having a boy. 

It is a vague feeling. I can't pin it down or tell you why I want another girl. There is the obvious reason that another girl would balance the gender scales around here; 2 of each sounds kinda orderly and nice. There is the other obvious reason that I am starting to stretch my acceptable boy names, while I have had a back-burner girl name since I was gestating Super Toddler. 

But that's all I can rationally point to. Everyone who knows Super Kindergartener knows that having a boy is no guarantee that you will get out of playing dress-up and princesses with your child. And everyone that knows Super Toddler knows that having a girl is no guarantee that you will get out of being beaned in the face by a stray fastball. I have no allusions of sugar and spice angels in clouds of tulle, smelling of strawberries and vanilla, and the funny thing is that I don't want a baby girl like that anyway.

I want a baby girl like her sister; fierce and fine and fragrant in her own amazing ways. Someone sly and strong, with spunk to spare. Someone fearless. Someone loud and lusty for life. But also someone imaginative and sweet, like Super Preschooler. And bold yet sensitive, like Super Kindergartener. And rebellious and funny and smart and kind and generous and utterly magnificent, like all three of them. 

Why I want this amazing creature housed as a girl is something I can't really answer. I have to think about it some more. Or maybe I just need to not think about it at all, because, deep down, I think I know that it doesn't really matter and that the second I met him or her, I won't give a rip what he or she is packing under that diaper. I will cuddle Super Baby to me and call her the marvelous girl name that I have been saving up or I will coo the totally wonderful boy name that we have yet to settle on. And that will be that. 

Awkward Dad has the most credible theory so far. He says. "I think you want 5 kids. I think you are convincing yourself that this is a boy, so that when you get pregnant for the 5th time, you can tell people, well, Super Toddler needs another girl in the family and they won't look at you like you are crazy. But they will still look at you like you are crazy because that is what people do, so just give in and accept that you want 5 kids."

Honestly, he might be right. 5 kids has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Hey, why are you looking at me like I am crazy?

 And I don't even know how I would go about looking for this particular Christmas present anyway. It isn't like my doctor has the answer all wrapped up in a pink or blue box somewhere in my file. However, that is a thought for something to rummage around for next time he is 45 minutes late and leaves in waiting in the exam room.......

They all look sugary and spicy to me.