Sunday, March 4, 2012

Awkward Mom vs. the Whys

Awkward Manor is still hosting Cold-of-Death and his family. (We are starting to think he is an European cold, given all the vacation time he has.) Super Preschooler's Potty Training appears to be in a holding pattern. Super Toddler has decided developing speech isn't particularly important to him. Super Baby is working on a new lunge move she likes to practice whenever being held. Awkward Dad is on a night shift. And we don't think Awkward Mom has slept in 4 years. As if all that wasn't enough, a new guest has come calling! We should just open a villainous bed and breakfast with all the wicked traffic we get around here....

Of course I want my children to be inquisitive and adventurous, with the can-do spirit of Thomas Edison, the intelligence of Marie Curie, the wit of Mark Twain, the creativity of Jim Henson, and the money of Tony Stark. What? That man is loaded; a woman needs to think of her retirement. But I digress. My point is the search for knowledge is a wonderful thing, but does it always have to happen when we are late and I can't find the address of the new family that we are playdating with and trying really hard to impress because the mom is actually normal? Because that seems to be the time when Count von Why always comes a'calling.

He also likes to pop up while I am in the shower, at 2 in the morning, during church, when trying to leave the house, or any other of the many busy moments during the day when Mommy's brain isn't quite functioning as fast as it should. Which may be all of them, if recent whys are any evidence.

For example, the other day, the good Count made an appearance in our car. Here is how it went:

Super P: Why are we going this way?
Me: To get Excellent Toddler and her mom.
Super P: Why?
Me: Because we are all going to Ikea.
Super P: Why?
Me: Because Ikea is awesome.
Super P: Why?
Me: Because they have cool stuff there to buy. And I like their meatballs.
Super P: Why?
Me: Because they are tasty.
Super P: Why?
Me: I am not sure, probably some Swedish secret.
Super P: Why don't you know?
Me: Well, I'm not Swedish.
Super P: Why?
Me: Well, mommy's family actually came from a different part of Europe a long time ago.
Super P: Why?
Me: Well, there weren't any potatoes.....and hey, look, we are here at Excellent Toddler's house.

Super P: Why?
Me: Because we are going to Ikea.
Super P: Why?

The Count is relentless! He also has minions. Of course he has minions. How come, what's this made of, who invented, and any sentence that starts with: wouldn't it be cool...

There are millions of battles during the day. Some of them I win easily. Some of them I tag in Awkward Dad. Some of them have me running to Google. My recent Google searches must have them in stitches over at the Google headquarters. It pleases me to think of a bunch of programmers, huddled over a computer, in a secret lair, laughing their glasses off at my queries for "how does whistling work, how is glass made, who invented Hello Kitty, what's in erasers, how long can people hold their breath, how tall are Jawas." The average height of a Jawa is 1 meter, in case you are curious.

Count von Why and his minions are quite clever and, make no mistake, they are here for the long haul. The minion What's-this-made-of is particularly crafty. I think I have him easily beat and then he pulls out the heavy artillery. For example:

Super P: What is bread made out of?
Me: Bread is made out of wheat and other ingredients. Some breads don't have wheat but we eat the kind with wheat.
Super P: What is wheat made out of?
Me: Well, wheat is just wheat.
Super P: But what is it made out of?
Me: It is a plant, the plant wheat.
Super P: What is a plant?
Me: A plant grows in the ground.
Super P: Like in Plants vs. Zombies!
Me: Ummm...right, but not so loud. The nice ladies at church don't need to hear about that.
Super P: But what is a plant made out of?
Me: hmmm....plant stuff? Go ask Daddy.

Why did Awkward Mom not pay more attention in Biology? Oh well, she does have a few big guns up her sleeves for when the Count and his buds get a little out of control. It's magic, It's a secret, and the time-honored, well-loved, sanity saver of moms everywhere: Because I said so. She is well armed and has a high speed Internet connection. Fear not, Readers, Super Preschooler will get into college. If he ever potty trains......but that is different post all together!

See ya real soon! Why? Because we like you! A-W-K-W-A-R-D! (If you don't get this reference, I betcha Google knows....)

The Super Boys easily defeated this roll of Christmas wrapping paper. No one recalls asking them to, but I suppose a win is a win.


  1. After many long visits from Count Von Why I made a point only to answer the Whys about 3 deep. Then it just ended with I don't know. Interestingly everyone always said it was a phase that they will grow out of but I haven't seen any evidence to back that statement up.

  2. Hahaha...Plants vs. it :) Wait, until he starts reading...Love your blog! Just don't know how to follow you:( You have such a cute family!

  3. No worries, Lena, I can never figure out "following." Thanks for stopping by, my family is wild, they make it easy to write. :)

  4. LOL!! Kids are great aren't they?!? This my life as well... :)

  5. Hey, thanks Carla! Yes, they are great....great at driving me batty....just kidding...they are great!