Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Awkward Mom vs. Four

So, ummm, first, some news:

Hello Super Fetus! 

Yep, starting in late winter, if all goes well, Awkward Mom will awkwardly be parenting four children. Four. Needless to say, she has some thoughts about this. 

I feel like four is the gateway child. When you are expecting your first, people say Congratulations! And I think they mean, Congratulations! When you are expecting number two, people say Congratulations! And I think they mean, Cool; siblings can be fun! When you are expecting number three, people say Congratulations! And I think they mean, That's a juggle, but a nice size family. Now, when you are expecting number four, people still say Congratulations! But I think they mean Well, that is one way to live your life. Maybe they think I am insane. Or greedy. Or have an unholy desire to change diapers for the rest of my life. I don't really know what it is, but something changes at four. 

Of course stuff changes, Awkward Mom! You will have another child! Well, yes, things will change internally around here, but how much really? I mean, we are already out-numbered. We are already in a mini-van, using the second row of seats for more than storage. We already don't fit in a restaurant booth. We have toys of every age and clothes of every size. I can change a diaper in 7 seconds flat on the hood of a car. No, I have no idea who is going to show up and what he/she is going to be like and what unique and special cares he/she is going to need, but that is more exciting than anything. Plus, I am pretty sure I can handle it. Awkwardly, no doubt, but handle it nonetheless. No, the changes that I am talking about are how people look at our family and the stuff they say.

Now, I don't think four is too many or too odd. There are plenty of families of four children. My father is one of four. Wonderful Mom is one of four, and the Stupendous Sewer is a mom of four. I know tons of moms of four; I can't throw a rock without hitting a family of four kids, if I were in the habit of hurling rocks at even numbers. Four is a nice number; you are still able to count your kids on one hand and fit at a normal-sized kitchen table. But for some reason, it seems to be the number when people start to look at you askance, like you haven't quite lost your mind but you might be on your way. Everyone I have told so far are people who know and love me, so there have been few negative comments. Those will start when I start to show, and if the Super-Baby-gestation-comments, and those I get now when I am anywhere with all three, are anything to go on, I am in for a wild judgmental ride. So, I am thinking of printing out the following list and just handing it to folks:

There are 4 reasons I am having a fourth baby (we will get to them in a minute), but here are the 15 NOT reasons:

1. Because the pope told me to.

2. Because I have lost my mind.

3. Because I am trying to make a statement deeper or more political than "I like my children."

4. Because being pregnant is a picnic with rainbows and chocolate kisses.

5. Because I am secretly Amish.

6. Because I love the smell of dirty diaper in the morning. 

7. Because I am trying to get a TLC reality show. 

8. Because someone has got to work the land.

9. Because I enjoy being pitied and given bizarre advice in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store. 

10. Because they are cheaper by the dozen.

11. Because I am shooting for a baseball team.

12. Because the mom with the most children wins a prize.

13. Because I have thoughts and feelings, other than live your life and I love you, about what you do with your body, the size of your family, or who lives in your house.

14. Because I am trying to get a child movie star that will take care of me in my old age.

15. Because it is anyone's business or something that random strangers in the street should even care about. 

Now that we have that out of the way, here are the 4 reasons why I am having a fourth child:

1. Have you seen our children? We make some adorable children and I enjoy beautifying the world anyway I can:

2. The Awkward Family Band needs a bass player. 

3. We are trying to get a Johnny Storm for our Fantastic Four. 

4. Most importantly, I want this baby. This new fabulous person that will be born into a family brimming with love and noise and excitement and awkwardly good intentions. A family full of people who can't wait to meet him/her out-utero and count all his/her little toes and dream and plan for the gloriously unique child, and then adult, he/she will become, shattering even the most daring dreams that we can come up. That's it, I want this child. Like I have wanted every one that has come before him/her. And like I will want every one that will come after him/her. 

Upon reflection, she may very well be trying to get that reality show on TLC.....


  1. Yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!! So excited for you! And now I officially have no right to complain about two kids being hard. LOL!

    You do indeed make amazingly awesome and beautiful children. What a lucky world we live in, to have another Super in it! But does this mean another shift in secret identities? Oh no! :)

    1. Thanks! We are super happy about it! And you complain all you want; any children at all are hard. :)

      And yes, there is an upcoming shift. :) I'll keep you updated.