Thursday, August 15, 2013

Awkward Mom vs. Random Awkward Advice -battle #2

My exquisite children-

I hope you fail.

I hope you fall down. I hope you mess up; loudly and publicly.

I hope you snort milk out your nose in front of your crush and send someone really terrible, misspelled, poetry. I hope you play Stairway to Heaven, out of tune, at a college party; preferably after dying your hair some atrocious shade of orange.

I hope you have a totally weird interest and tell everyone about it. I hope your awkward phase happens during middle school or maybe just never ends.

I hope you fail a couple tests. I hope you play sports that you are awful at. I hope your heart gets broken more than once.

I hope you flame out a couple times. And I don't mean like sputter out; I mean full-on, action-movie-style, fireball taking out a bridge, spectacular flame-outs.

Fail bold and fail young, and then maybe you won't waste so much of your life thinking that it has to be perfect. Or that it is about winning or getting somewhere first. There is no prize in life. There are millions and millions of them, but you aren't going to find any if you are on the bullet-train to ambitious perfection town.

If you take the scenic route, you will have time to:

Find a friend. Or five. Or a ton. Just not the popular kids. Or them too, if you must, but not because they are popular. Pick friends who make you laugh so hard that you fall off the couch. Pick friends who like to eat. Pick friends who know what Star Wars is. Pick friends who will have your back in a fight, or at least have some basic medical knowledge. Pick friends who tell you that those pants do indeed make your butt look big. Pick friends always ready for an adventure. Pick friends who think starting a band or building a time machine sounds like a great use of time. Pick friends who are gonna love you, fiercely, in all your wackiness, and then love them, fiercely, right back.

Read a book. Or five thousand. We aren't Stark Enterprises over here, my Angels; you aren't going to Europe or the Sahara anytime soon. But I got a library card with your name on it; learn to read and you can go anywhere. Do anything. Be anyone.

Watch a movie. Or five thousand. Oh, the movies you will see! Weird French ones. Riotous Bollywood ones. Shoot 'em up American ones. Thought-provoking Swedish ones that no one understands. Some of them will even be R-rated!

Have a snack. Maybe you'll love to cook. Maybe you'll love to eat. Maybe you'll be a weirdo who likes to clean-up. Who am I to judge? But the food you will discover? Glorious! The food that exists will boggle your mind and delight your palate. You can eat it with those friends you made; endless dinners with bottles of wine (you'll drink at some point, and it will be fun and moderate, of course), with jokes and stories and so much love. You can discuss the movie you just saw or the books you are reading or the wonderful adventures you are having over here, not in ambitious perfection town.

Watch the sunset. Occasionally get up early and watch the sunrise. Stroll through fall leaves. Walk in the rain. Build a snowman. Swim in the ocean. Sleep in. Stay up late. Snuggle any animal that lets you. Travel. Explore. Help. Share. Learn. Grow. Kiss. Hug. Love. Cry. Yell. And Laugh. Laugh a lot. No one ever got to the end of life and said, "Man, I laughed entirely too much."

I am not gonna sugar-coat this, my Pretties. You are gonna do a ton of things that the world is going to look at and say, "By Jove, that is amazing!" They will be right. Those will be some amazing things. However, and here is the really amazing part, those amazing things? Those will be the least amazing things that you ever do.

Live bold, Children. Fail a ton!

I love you,
Awkward Mom

Share horrifying pictures of yourself on the internet. 


  1. I would add love and respect animals at all times. Goes along with respecting others, loving others ,loving life. I love that you tell them to get ready for adventures. Truly, isn't that what life is all about? Adventures.

    1. Done and done. Added those 2. :)

      Awkward adventure is the name of the game as far as I am concerned. :)