Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Awkward Mom vs. Mini-Battle #3

"My cooking is so bad my kids thought that Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor." Ah, good old Phyllis Diller. She gets us, she really gets us.

I may have mentioned that I do not like cooking; about once or twice or maybe a hundred times. There are many reasons for this, the following is just one of them.

Me: OK, now we scoop out the flour.

Super Preschooler: Like this?

Me: Well, yes. Less on the floor and more in the bowl, but yes.

Super Toddler: Time for eggs!

Me: No! Sorry, baby, just not yet. And please, not in your hair.

Excellent Toddler: Can I help?

Me: Yes, of course. Please move over, Super Preschooler.

Super Preschooler: No! I want to help!

Me: You can all help.

Super Preschooler: Fine. Move over, Super T.

Super Toddler: Ouch!

Me: No pushing. Please pour some of this in.

Excellent Toddler: Like this?

Me: Ummm, sure. Who doesn't like salty banana bread?

Super Toddler: Eggs!

Me: Not yet. OK, let's mix this dry stuff. OK, nice try. Now, let's mix what is left in the bowl a little slower, K?

Super Baby: Sausage?

Super Toddler: Ouch!

Me: Not right now, honey. And no pushing! OK, time for sugar. Hey, who ate the sugar?

Excellent Toddler: Not me.

Super Toddler: Not me.

Super Preschooler: Mmmm.

Me: Sigh. OK, move over. I have to get some more sugar. OK, now we cream the butter and sugar. Not with our hands, Super T! I am going to use a hand mixer, it is dangerous, so we are all going to put our hands on the top and I will guide....

Super Preschooler: Like this?

(Sounds of butter hitting the cabinets, the fridge, Super Toddler's face, and the sink.)

Me: Sigh. No. Not like that. Here, let me do it.

Super Preschooler, Super Toddler, and Excellent Toddler: But I wanted to do it!

Me: Look, look, you can help me put in the dry ingredients.

(Explosion of flour.)

Me: Oh wow, you all look like Charlie Sheen after a bad night.

Super Toddler: Who Charlie Sheen?

Me: Never mind, time for eggs!

Oh, there is more, but you get the point. However, what is utterly fascinating is that the banana bread that Awkward Mom made earlier, all by herself, was the ugliest and blandest banana bread in creation. The salty Charlie Sheen banana bread was gorgeous and ridiculously tasty. There may have been a stray eggshell or two, but overall? Best banana bread ever. They say that the most important ingredient is love and they are correct. Because they loved making it and Awkward Mom loved eating it.

In the spirit of completeness, I feel the need to show you my 35th birthday cake.

Don't let the plates fool you, this was total eating with hands event.


  1. You inspire me! I am so impressed that you made banana bread with two toddlers and a preschooler! Not to mention that it came out tasting fabulous! Maybe eggshells are the secret ingredient?

    When Anthony lets Katie help stir pancake batter, we get the chewiest, stretchiest, rubberiest pancakes imaginable. That's due to the combination of overly enthusiastic whisking and gluten. Maybe we'll toss in some eggshells next time.

    Keep up the great work! And happy birthday! YUMMM, cake!!!

    1. Eggshells must be it, because they beat the holy heck out of that batter. :)

      Girl, you are making a person, go eat some cake. The baby needs it. Seriously.