Awkward Mom vs. Stats - battle 2

Vanity strikes again. Awkward Mom has been looking at her stats.

So, in an effort to get other people to read my blog, I have joined a mom blogging community. It is called TopMommyBlogs.com and the link to it is over there on the right. Clicking on it increases my "ranking" in the community or something. I am not the greatest at reading all the rules about stuff. I really hope that this ranking isn't tied to responsibilities in the community because if it does, they are in for a rude surprise. Anywho, it was actually quite a difficult decision to rush this mommy sorority because I am kinda afraid of people reading my writing. "Now, Awkward Mom," you are thinking, "you are being relatively insane. Like more insane than usual. You are aware of how reading works, right? I am reading this right now. People are reading your writing right now." Yes, Readers, I am aware of that, but I know you. About 75% of you are my friends and family who followed this link from Facebook, 15% of you are people who follow me and leave kind thoughtful comments all the time (Crunchy Mom, Frugal Mom, Balanced Mom, etc.), and 10% of you is my mother. (My mother totally counts for 10%, she is amazing.) My point is, you all already love me. Opening myself up to a forum of writing women who I don't know is really intimidating for me as a writer, as a mother, and as a person. But, at the same time, I feel drawn to further join the blogging world and put my words out there a little more.

So, rather than write about those deep and complex feelings, I am going to tell jokes about how people accidentally landed on my blog this week.

1. "burt reynolds fig leaf picture" (4)
Oh dear Readers, 4 people out there really want to see this:

 

Go ahead, soak it in. Go wash your eyes out with Lysol if you need to, I'll wait. Back? OK, what I think happened is that four pervs or, let's be generous, aficionados of American culture of the 1970s were looking for the aforeshuddered photo and they found my post about Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum. I feel bad for them really; all they want to do is ogle Burt Reynolds, but they had to wade through like 14 paragraphs of my ponderous prose before they were able to do so in peace. So sad.

2. "art" (2)
Any kind of art? Usually when one searches for art, one has a general idea of the art one is seeking; Renaissance Art, Modern Art, Children's Art Project, Uncle Art. Who is so bored or listless that they will look at any old art? Well, 2 folks are, we know that. And we know that they are now even more disappointed after being guided here and seeing Burt Reynolds and his barely hidden junk. Michelangelo's David, he is not.

3. "pictures of a birthday cakes for a moonshiner" (2)
Oh holy cats, what is this? And 2 people searched for this? And it lead them here? Grammar aside, I do not even know what this refers to. Are these pictures of cakes for moonshiners to eat? Are these cakes with pictures of moonshines on them? Why do moonshiners eat different cakes than the rest of us? Or take pictures of them, for that matter? Goodness, this search just poses more questions than it answers.

4. "red cheeks on a toddler" (2)
These poor folks are clearly looking for BabyCenter or WebMD and they got led here to look at this:

 

Not a bad sight by any means, but hardly what they were looking for.

 

5. "akward mom" (1)

Hey buddy, don't feel bad. Sometimes I still do this if I am typing it in a hurry. No worries.

 

6. "awkward mom" (1)

See, now you're getting it!

 

7. "awquad mom" (1)

Hmmm...I see that we have taken a step backwards.

 

8. "momatthedoctor" (1)

OK, I get why this maybe led you here. I mean, I do take the children to the doctor on occasion. Doesn't usually go well, but I have been known to do it. What I don't get is why you have never heard of a space bar.

 

9. " momma got me a balloon" (1)

Did she? Spectacular! Now, does she know that you are online telling everyone about it? Because if you are young enough to still call her Momma, you are not old enough to be on the computer alone. And if you are old enough to be on the computer alone and you are calling her Momma, we might have another issue or two to talk about.

 

No judging though; Awkward Mom is a complete no-judging zone. In fact, don't listen to her. You have no issues at all. You call your Momma anything you please, just don't call her late for dinner! Hmmm...that might have played a little bit better differently worded. In 1920. In a vaudeville house. That ranking might be a little low for awhile...

 

Look! Momma got me a balloon too!